America's Divine Right to Junk Food

Fat Qatar! Shortened lifespans! Jailbird junk food! Pot belly rights! Half of us are walking dead! It's your Health Watch, where we watch your health—if you buy us a hoagie!

  • Oh Christ, the citizens of the wealthy desert nation of Qatar are using all their A-rab oil money to buy fast food restaurants and servants and SUVs to drive themselves around, and they're getting fat and unhealthy. Why won't these savages listen to our preaching, about how to live healthy?
  • "Smoking, overdrinking, inactivity and a poor diet can combine to age you by 12 years, a study suggests." So kids, get started early and grow up fast!
  • Today, the newly New Yorky WSJ reports that "Jailbirds Order Up Hot Wings." And also jailbirds can even buy pizza and meatball sandwiches! Must be nice to be a jailbird! And then when they get fat, who has to pay their health bills? Hardworking taxpayers, like Joey from Long Island, and Andrea Peyser. Is the WSJ sticking up the New York Post in a dark alley for stories already? Arrrgh, jailbirds!
  • You don't take fish oil caplets? What are you, a fucking idiot?
  • Guess what, "a body of research" coming out indicates that if you're ten pounds or so overweight, well, hell, what's the difference? It's not gonna make you die any earlier. And a little pot belly is a manly thing, why can't your wife understand that you're in just as good shape as you were in high school, a few freaking pounds are not a big deal, you don't need to be walking around looking like some god damn Ken doll, she didn't marry a freaking male model, come on, give you a break, so what if you like barbecue, god forbid you be happy for a few hours a week, right?
  • What do half of all American adults have in common? A major risk factor for heart disease. And being dumb.
[Pic: brookage ]