Well, that's it. Our gay fantasia on irrational themes has come to a close and a winner has been crowned. How did all come out in the wash?
Honestly guys, I don't know if I really have the energy to talk much about the finale. Simply because it just doesn't really feel like it means much. Sure maybe Tyra — our undeserving winner — can move off her drag mama's couch, but that's about it. Those Absolut ads that run during commercial breaks, featuring ladies from the previous season, don't run anywhere else, do they? I just don't see a win on this community access pageant taking the ladies any further than a slightly increased MySpace following.
Not that they're not good! I do genuinely like Raven and Jujubee. I think they're funny and, refreshingly on this show, actually smart. I liked when Rupes said that Juju was the smartest one of the bunch, but DID NOT LIKE when the (other) lady judge was all "I don't know about that. I think Tyra is incredibly smart." REALLY, LADY? Tyra. Well, OK, maybe when compared to someone like... Oh, OK. I don't want to be mean and name names. So let's just say someone like a hypothetical Drag Race 2 contestant named Mamianna. Compared to Zazianna, Tyra is the Amazing Kreskin. Jajianna spends most of her time digging up moles and putting hats on them and then at 6pm saying "Whew, long work day!" Lalianna once tried to do a crossword puzzle and spontaneously combusted. On cold dark nights in creepy houses sometimes you can hear the ghostly sounds of Babianna falling down the stairs. So yes, compared to that, Tyra is "incredibly smart." But otherwise? Child please.
Um. But yeah, Tyra won because she is young and pretty and sort of hilarious in a clueless way, all big thundering fumbling Bambi limbs and cornpone countryisms. In a wig and a dress. That's fun! So she wins.
Here are some of RuPaul's runway one-liners from last night:
"Ohhhh Jujubee clawed her way out of Markie Post's closet in that number!"
"Raven knows what the Monroe Doctrine is and it shows."
"Tyra isn't a singing hobo, she's a stabbing hobo."
"I swear to God Gary, if that's Tatianna I hear rummaging around under these risers it's your ass. This has happened one too many times. Oh hush Gary, it's not the poor girl's fault, she doesn't know any better. But you do, Gary. You do. That's the point. You went to Vassar for God's sake. Tatianna was born in a rain barrel and eats hay. Tatianna girl? Is that you? Come on out, it's OK, don't be scared."
I will miss her one-liners! And I will miss Jujubee, who was always so fun on camera except when she was actually competing in challenges. If only she'd just be her funny, charming self instead of the overreaching ham she turns into when put on the spot. Sigh.
Anyway, we'll be seeing all these girls shuffling around drag bars across the nation, so if you run into one, give her a quarter or a dollar or sumpin, because now that this shit is over, she will need it.
I think that's it. Guys: