Three things you should not do when fleeing the police: Hide in a pool of liquid manure, hide in the greenhouse where you grow your pot, or stop for a bathroom break. Guess who's got some dumb criminal stories...

Suspected meth user Thomas Hovis Jr. of Albion, Indiana (pictured) hid neck-deep in the "liquid manure" of hogs and dogs, in a "tank beneath an outbuilding floor" on a farm. Hiding in the poo pit gave the 52-year-old hypothermia, but managed to so violently resist arrest as to require two zaps of the stun gun, anyway. As foul as this is, Hovis is sort of a genius. In the highly unlikely event that the cops actually find you in your shit-filled hidey-hole, you at least get the glory of making them dry-heave for however long it takes them to apprehend and cuff you, drive you to the jailhouse, and book your stinky self.

In less-smelly news: Pulled over for a DUI, Charles Byrd of Gwinnett County, Georgia bolted from car and fled the police on foot. With the police chasing him, the 23-year-old ran to hide in his marijuana grow house. His DUI became a drug bust instead, and his buddy Timothy Donahue—who just happened to be hanging out at the grow house—was also there. Byrd was charged with a DUI, and both men were charged with possession of marijuana with the intent to deliver.

And here's a guy who would've gotten away with robbing a Suffolk, Virginia Kangaroo Mart, but he really had to pee, and spent so long in the bathroom, the cops arrived before he made it out the door.