Get Outta Here With Your Chicken ThreatsS

The Way We Live Now: Playing chicken. Do the lesser nations of the world truly believe they can intimidate us with a mere poultry tax? We will crush you and your cheap knockoff Rolex imports! We're from The Hamptons, bitch!

Chicken tariffs. Is this the best you have to throw at us China? Besides destroying the value of our entire currency at the stroke of a pen, which, please don't? Really? You think we fear paying a bit more for our Double Down Sandwiches?

Allow us to tell you Chinee a little something about America. We run steamrollers over thousands of fake Rolexes that we naturally assume came from you. The rest of you nations, listen too. Greece? Spain? Ireland? Portugal? Guess who is fucking up the status of your national debt? Probably some American guy. And while people in Hong Kong are literally being priced out of their "cage homes," we here in NYC are so fancy free with money that we are going to rent stabilize incredibly luxurious apartments for the wealthy.

No cost is too high for us to pile sand upon Hamptons beaches, even if we know it will wash away. We will just buy more and more golden sand, forever.

Yall cannot fuck with us. We're gonna get our chickens REGARDLESS.

[Pic via]