Lindsay Lohan Is Going to Jail, And Other Probabilities

She violated her DUI probation, but her lawyer says she'll be fine. And check out these gory photos she took. Kardashian says she doesn't smell like a burrito. Clooney didn't know he was harboring an arsenal of explosives. TGIFriday gossip.

  • "Lindsay Lohan — Bound for Jail," says the headline, because LiLo has violated the terms of her DUI probation by failing to complete her alcohol education course. She was supposed to go to class once a week, but only went every 21 days, because that's the longest you can go before they call the cops on you. So now TMZ says LiLo's definitely going to jail, but her lawyer disagrees because "we have received no negative written report from the program." Is this an "ignorance of the law is not an excuse" situation, or more of a "if a tree falls in a poorly attended state-mandated alcohol education class..." one? [TMZ]

  • David Hasselhoff ex-wife Pamela Bach provides a cautionary example: She just starting a prison sentence for violating the terms of her DUI. [People]

  • Speaking of LiLo, her "guns 'n' gore" photo shoot with photographer Tyler Shields is upsetting people, because it's like a violently suicidal evolution of her eerie Marilyn Monroe death wish. (Remember that photo shoot? It upset people, too.) But didn't Lindsay do the gun-to-lips thing for the dearly departed Radar magazine three years ago? This one's kinda torture porn-ish, though. [Sun]
Lindsay Lohan Is Going to Jail, And Other Probabilities
  • Signs we missed that Sandra Bullock was adopting: When she bought a $2.25 million home in New Orleans, she formed a corporation to do so, and named it Big East Bebe LLC. I hope she actually lives there with Louis, and he grows up playing with the Jolie-Pitt kids, because they have a house in New Orleans, too. [TMZ]

  • Jenna Jameson is withdrawing her domestic abuse allegation against ultimate fighter and long-time boyfriend Tito Ortiz, and Tito is withdrawing his claim that Jenna is an Oxy addict. Criminal prosecution would mean Tito loses $15 million in ultimate fighting contracts—so, are these honest recantations, or money-driven recantations? I can't hazard a guess with this story; the whole thing is a tangled mess. [TMZ]

  • J.Lo ex Ojani Noa has no talents other than "being J.Lo's ex," so he's shopping a reality show: I Owe J.Lo, in which Ojani tries to "land menial jobs to pay off a half-million dollar court judgment he owes to his wife" because of his sex tape bluff. Will they dramatize his reality TV contract negotiations? Warning: Infinite reality TV loop ahead. [P6]

  • Dennis Rodman came to ex Carmen Electra's birthday party and couldn't get in. Apparently he was rolling 12 deep, but the bouncer wouldn't let that many friends in. [P6]

  • The redheaded child who gets shot in M.I.A.'s music video gave an interview talking about his role, and is super precocious for a twelve-year-old. "She's using violence to end violence," he says, pontificating on genocide and global affairs. His mother says she was worried, but the kid convinced her he could handle it. He still hasn't seen the whole video, because it's "not for kids." [T<Z]

  • Another day, another rumored new cast member for CW fauxialite trainwreck High Society. Today, it's Lady Victoria Hervey, "daughter of the sixth Marquess of Bristol." She's always in the British tabloids for her insane outfits, so I support importing her. The more red carpet crazies, the merrier. [P6]

  • Kim Kardashian denies a story about her eating an "odoriferous" burrito on an airplane, thereby making the first class cabin smell "like a Mexican bean factory." She says it's "the funniest story I've ever read." This story makes me want to eat a burrito. [Popeater]

  • A 500-lb. arsenal of explosives was found on the premises of George Clooney's Lake Como estate. Apparently the grenades, mortars, and aircraft bombs are World War II leftovers, and have been sitting at the bottom of the lake all this time. An Italian fisherman discovered the cache, and the Italian Navy is gathering them for "detonation in a cave," which sounds fairly awesome. [DailyFill]

  • Rocker Mark McGrath and fiancee Carin Kingsland welcomed twins—son Lydon Edward and daughter Hartley Grace—to the world yesterday. Mazel tov. [People]