Why the National Enquirer Obama Sex Scandal Story Must Be TrueS

Every couple years, the rumor surface that Barack Obama had an affair with his hot campaign worker Vera Baker. It happened again—this time in the pages of the National Enquirer. Which is always right about politicians' sex scandals.

In 2008, the Daily Mail re-visited the old chestnut that Obama got it on with 35 year-old Baker back in 2004 when she was helping him campaign for the Senate. Of course, the Daily Mail is a paper famous for falsely claiming that everything causes cancer and it is British so we cannot trust them because, remember the Revolutionary War?

But now the National Enquirer says the same thing. And they claim an anonymous limo driver can vouch for the fact that Obama and Vera Baker spent a sexxxy night together in a DC hotel in 2004. Here's how we know it's true:

  • The National Enquirer broke the John Edwards sex scandal, but the mainstream media ignored it. Since the National Enquirer was right about John Edwards it has to be right about Obama. Why would the National Enquirer risk its reputation of being mostly made-up, but once in a while being right about something?

  • The National Enquirer currently is reporting that Tiger Woods slept with 121 women. If they were able to get information about 121 women who slept Tiger Woods, surely they could get information about one woman who slept with Barack Obama.

  • The Enquirer reports that "anti-Obama operatives are offering more than $1 million to witnesses to reveal what they know" about the affair. WHY WOULD ANYONE OFFER THAT MUCH MONEY IF IT WASN'T TRUE?

  • Limo drivers are among the most trust-worthy people. This limo driver is so trustworthy that it took him six years of introspection before breaking his client's trust by dishing to the Enquirer; and he only broke that trust to fulfill the greater duty of exposing to the American people that Obama had an affair. Six years! Dude is super trustworthy. And he's humble, too, since he chose to remain anonymous rather than exploit the situation.

  • The story is currently the top story on Mediaite, home to the POWER GRID. Mediaite is Glenn Beck's favorite website. Glenn Beck is always right; so is Mediaite.

  • Why the National Enquirer Obama Sex Scandal Story Must Be True

  • The story has been linked to by the Drudge Report. The Drudge Report is equally as right as Mediaite.

  • Vera Baker is a hottie. It's like a no-brainer.