We Are Ready for Another Gilded Age

The Way We Live Now: Taking all those negative thoughts and shoving em where the leading economic indicators don't shine. Auctions are back! Crime is back! Torahs are back! And the only broke ones are the jerks, in Connecticut!

With all the talk about this so-called "recession," you'd think things were bad or something. Not true, as you would have surmised were you an educated citizen prone to perusing the morning news circulars. The world's finest auctioneers are confident that wealthy patrons will bid up prices for their wares like so many hedge fund managers bidding on their partners' wives at a charity "Purchase a Kiss For Spinal Bifida" gala. In the world of illegal crime, stolen sacred Torahs are on the the decline, while nattily attired playboy con men cheating lousy casinos out of their ill-gotten gains is on the rise. And of all the US states struggling mightily with economic decline, the one you most like to hear about is Connecticut, which lost its poor hedge fund boom, boo hoo.

Things are looking sunny for the mainstream American.

But is it sunny enough? Will we be content to rest on our gilded laurels, knowing that not even a car bomb can keep the god damn tourists out of god damn Times Square, of all the godforsaken blocks in this heralded metropolis?

Disturbing, to say the least. But our recovery is adequate. Resume your pitiful ministrations at a more appropriate date.

[Pic via]