Why Did We Almost Get Blown Up? Some Possibilities.

Why would someone try to blow up New York? We're so nice! Blowhard congressman Peter King says there are a "hundred possibilities" as to why—even South Park! We run down a few likely motivations.

Now that police have arrested someone in connection to the botched attack, we'll probably get answers about the motivation soon, especially because this guy does not seem like the sharpest tool in the shed. But until then, let's go with rampant speculation. Why did someone try to detonate a car bomb in Times Square? "You can't rule anything out," says Peter King. So we didn't!

Motivation: South Park's depiction of Muhammad dressed as a bear.
Such a depiction of Muhammad would be considered offensive by many Muslims. Also, that episode wasn't even that funny.
Possible suspects: Muslim radicals, anti-Islam bear lovers.

Motivation: Health-Care Reform
The death-panel clause and the inclusion of a budget for mandated white-baby abortion in the health-care reform bill have angered some people.
Possible suspects: Mitch McConnell, Jon Voight.

Motivation: "Our Freedom"
Terrorists have always been threatened by our freedom, possibly because we mostly just use it to create new Real Housewives franchises.
Possible suspects: Socialists, communists, Kenyan-born presidents.

Motivation: The Lion King Musical
Fuck Julie Taymor.
Possible suspects: Musical theater purists, hyenas.

Motivation: Anger at Nissan
Maybe someone just wanted to blow up a Nissan Pathfinder SUV and Times Square got in the way.
Possible suspects: Militant bikers, Toyota executives jealous of success.

Motivation: The New Times Square
Some people feel nostalgic for an age when Times Square was dangerous for reasons other than ESPN Zone food poisoning and would do anything to bring that edge back.
Possible suspects: Crack addicts.

Motivation: Triscuits
Triscuits are for Darwinist faggots.
Possible Suspect: Younus Abdullah Mohammed, wheat thins partisans.

Of course, this is only a few of the many conceivable motivations—there are at least 93 more possibilities, according to Peter King! Gawker Terrorism Experts: Speculate away!