You know how your friends always bring you trinkets back from their vacations? In the 18th and 19th century, those trinkets were mummified human heads. France has just voted to return 15 mummified heads of Maori warriors to New Zealand.

Apparently these heads became collector's items in 19th century Europe. Sort of like Pokemon Cards today. French Maori head fans would meet up once a week in the cramped back room of a small cafe on the Champs Elysee and stage productions of Moliere with them. But times have changed; what once was a harmless pastime has, for some reason, become a horrible symbol of colonialism.

So, the French parliament has voted "almost unanimously" for a bill that will return 15 heads kept in French museums to New Zealand. Uh, "almost unanimously"? Who are these French pro-mummified head politicians? It's like, "Listen, we are embarking down a terrible slope here. First, it's our collections of elaborately tattooed Maori warrior heads; before you know it, they'll be coming for our pickled Inuit brains!" Although, if it had been taken up by our congress, you know some Republican would try to attach a rider to this bill that would outlaw abortion or something.