That's what happened after the cut to black! Well, it's what might happen to James Gandolfini anyway. Also today: A beloved actress departs Weeds, a new horror movie sounds truly horrific, children are ruined forever, and a Jesus cartoon.
Aw nuts. Elizabeth Perkins is leaving her role on Weeds. No explanation is given other than that she's joined the cast of a feature film called Hop, about "an out-of-work slacker (James Marsden) who accidentally injures the son of the Easter Bunny (voiced by Russell Brand) and must take him in as he recovers." So, uh... that doesn't sound all that good. Weeds-wise, it makes sense. Her character hasn't had much to do since the show left the confines of little box Agrestic and moved closer toward the border. A good run while it lasted. [THR]
Hulking old James Gandolfini — who, bizarrely, appeared in a dream I had last night (not that kind of dream) — is one of the executive producers of an HBO project called Taxi 22, a remake of a French Canadian show (those exist??) about a tough-talking cab driver. It's possible (likely?) that he'd star on the show as well. It's a role that would certainly involve a lot of sitting, which is always nice. It would be kind of fun if it was a fictionalized version of Taxicab Confessions, though that always seemed somewhat fictionalized on its own. [Variety]
Not satisfied with merely gravely offending Muslims, Comedy Central is developing an entire series about about the Christian Mohammad, Jesus. JC is about our lord and savior wanting to get away from his demanding dad by moving to New York and starting a new, regular life. That sounds soooo irreverent! Like a Dogma kind of been-there-done that irreverent. I'm also sort of disappointed that it's not called What Jesus Did. [THR]
Aha. J.J. Abrams says that his mysterious new movie trailer is not a Cloverfield sequel, as was previously rumored. So what is Super 8? A drag racing sequel to 8 Mile? A documentary about motels? A documentary about his penis? I predict that it's all three. J.J. Abrams stays in a Detroit motel and learns to rap (about his penis) while exploring the drag racing circuit. Sounds interesting! [Vulture]
Toddlers and Tiaras, a reality show that tacitly encourages parents to treat their children like poseable misery dolls, has been renewed by TLC for a third season. What does TLC stand for now? It's certainly not "Learning." Tiny Laboring Children? There are a lot of kids put to work on the channel, between the Roloffs and the Duggars and the Gosselins, etc. Sigh. This just got depressing. [THR]
Horror mainstay Robert Englund has been cast in a new thriller-chiller called Inkubus. It's a deeply creepy story about early-millennial mainstream emo rock and the epidemic of poor spelling sweeping through the adolescent population the nation over. I don't know if I can do it! Maybe with my hands over my eyes. But then, what would I use to block my ears? "Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there..." AAhhh! Aahhhh!!! Stop it!!! Oh dear god, stop it!!!!! [Variety]