Please Don't Renew Your Wedding Vows

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon renewed their vows earlier this week, and now Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott are are planning on doing it. Someone please put an end to this!

Carey and Spelling aren't the only ones. Heidi Klum and Seal are renewing their vows for the second time next week. They only got married five years ago! They've barely had time to memorize each others middle names. And they're already getting hitched for the third time? Currently we're being forced to watch the travesty of Ramona Singer planning her second wedding to her husband, a hunk of mortadella she named Mario on this season of Real Housewives of New York City. She follows in the footsteps of fellow housewife Vicki Gunvalson, who did the same thing on Real Housewives of Orange County. The renewing of vows is now one something a different housewife must go through each season, like releasing a substandard gay house music track.

Like everything else, it's the fault of tabloids and capitalism. The celebrity weeklies are only filled with a few things: getting together, breaking up, weddings, divorces, babies, affairs, drug use, and getting too fat/thin. So, what is a star to do who already had his/her wedding, and has no babies, divorces, secret lovers, rehab stints, diet plan endorsement deals/eating disorders on the horizon? Create a whole new occasion to generate press and fresh fodder for the show, or at least take pictures to sell to the tabs. And it's not as if the wedding industry minds this shit. They get to sell people flowers and gowns and catered meals all over again!

Not that there is anything wrong with reaffirming your commitment to the person that you love, of course. But shouldn't that be done privately, between those people? If two people want to celebrate the anniversary of their union, just throw an anniversary party without all the additional sanctimony and silliness of going through another ceremony. You only get one special day. People who renew their vows are just attention hogs like people who have a "birthday week." You do not get a whole week to celebrate, that's why it's called a birthday! You get one day!

[Image via Getty]