Kristen Stewart to Go All Kerouac On Your Ass

She's headed out, uh, down the street... Also today: Hayden Christensen is inexplicably employed, a new horror movie deals with real-life scary stuff, more J.J. Abrams secret movie updates, and a look at how the apes will someday rule us.

Eternally cheerful young actress Kristen Stewart has been cast in a little roadtrip movie called On the Road. She's going to play Marylou, to Garrett Hedlund's Dean Moriarty. The movie's being directed by Walter Salles and written by Jose Rivera, who did The Motorcycle Diaries together, which is sort of similar, isn't it? I hope next Salles & Rivera tackle Sex Drive 2. Kristen Stewart can play the car or something. She's so funny. [THR]

You know who keeps getting work? Hayden Christensen. Why is that? I mean, he's super cute (don't argue me on that) and was really good in Shattered Glass, but everything else? Vlerk. Did you see New York, I Love You? Ohhhh skimbleshanks was that bad, especially Christensen's scene. Well maybe the whole pretend-crippled Olivia Thirlby deflowers Anton Yelchin while hanging from a tree with a belt in Central Park segment was worse, but Hayden's was pretty durn bad. And yet, movies. Anyway, he's in a new one called The Genesis Code which is based on this religio-scientific thriller. It sounds sorta low-budge. I mean, he's producing it himself. But still! Who's he got dirt on? [Variety]

Everyone keeps talking about this Girl With the Dragon Tattoo business. First airports and train stations are always like "Hey, you, buy this book, c'mon, you'll like it, who cares if it's translated!" And then the Sunshine on Houston is like "Hey, you, c'mere, see this movie, who care's if it's subtitled!" Well now someone's finally talking a language I can understand: the Amurrricun movie version is slowly grinding into gear and David Fincher's directing and now it's time to talk actresses. Every young thing in Hollywood is apenuts for the part, with Carey Mulligan and Ellen Page doing some heavy wooing while lots of other actresses — Portman, Thirlby, Johannson, Wasikowska — circling as well. Fincher might still go with an unknown, though, so don't you Dakota Fanning weirdos get your drool on just yet. Personally I'm hoping for Emily VanCamp, from the Everwood. I don't watch that Brothers & Sisters mumbojumbo, but I always liked her. Good actress that one. Put her in, Finchy! [Deadline]

Michael Imperioli, Christufuh on The Sopranos, has signed on to play a role in Foreclosure, a horror movie about a haunted mortgage crisis. Srsly, it's the real-life mortgage crisis, with ghosts. Wendell Pierce and Bill Raymond are the other stars, so it's not your typical jiggly-juggs, "Save me, Frankie Muniz!" cheapo horror fare. I mean, Michael Imperioli will be wearing short-shorts and a low-cut top and screaming for Chad Michael Murray for rescue, but it'll be classy and timely. OMG Eric Balfour's dead, guys. He's deaaad. [THR]

On June 24th, 2011 your monkey dreams will come true with monkey abandon. That's when the latest apes movie, Rise of the Apes, drops. The movie is set nowadays, in fist-happy San Francisco. It's about how overzealous scientists accidentally imbue apes with intelligence and then a whole war breaks out. OK, they have intelligence, but who gave them educations? And, more importantly, who gave them guns? They're apes, for god's sake! Damn dirty apes! (I would totally give an ape a gun if it asked me to.) [Variety]

The J.J. Abrams Super 8 movie is a collaboration with Steven Spielberg and J.J. is directing and it's about Area 51 and trains or something. So there you have it. And here you were hoping it was secretly another Nicholas Sparks movie. J.J. Abrams presents: Evangeline Lilley and Scott Speedman in A Bend in the Road. DO IT GUYS. Just for a joke. [THR]