Florida Fails to Ban Bestiality

You can still put on some Barry White, lower the lights and make love to your favorite goat in Florida — their bickering legislature has failed to pass a measure outlawing bestiality.

The occasional Floridian, according to the St. Petersburg Times, occasionally passes a particularly becoming member of the animal kingdom and just can't resist. You know how it goes, you start horsing (or goating) around, one thing leads to another and you've "sexually battered and asphyxiated a pregnant goat" like one man did in 2008.

Or you're walking past your neighbors house, and that minxy little dog that you've been flirting with gives you that look, that irresistible look, and then you've molested it like another man did in 2004 and all of a sudden you're not invited to their Christmas party any more.

And the bond between a man and his guide dog is perhaps left unexplored in the case of a third man in Leon County who groped his way to sexual battery with his trusty companion.

Currently, in the absence of a specific law, the courts have to prove the animal did not enjoy the sex and that it was therefore cruel. Which is ridiculous. So animal lovers (in the metaphorical sense) have tried for a law that just states man/animal relations are illegal. But the legislature, scared they'd be ridiculed for messing around with bestiality laws while the economy tanked, and unwilling to discuss bestiality at public meetings for fear of offending constituents, didn't want to touch it. Because, in the words of Representative Mary Brandenburg: "It is yucky." So there.