J.J. Abrams' Super 8 Is About... Aliens Who Make Movies?

Finally, a trailer for J.J. Abrams' mysterious new movie, Super 8! There is a train crash, possible aliens, and secret easter-egg shot of some kid's head! But: Will it make up for tonight's crappy episode of Lost?

No one knows anything about J.J. Abrams' new movie, except that it is called Super 8 and is produced by Steven Spielberg. So thank God the trailer has a lot of information about the movie's plot and characters! Whoops—I mis-typed. What I meant to type was, the trailer is mysterious and bullshitty. Luckily, I have watched it, and can tell you that the following things are in the movie for sure:

Aliens: The movie involves Area 51, which, as everyone knows, is where the ETs landed back in the 50s. J.J. Abrams making a movie about Area 51 and not putting aliens in it would be like Quentin Tarantino making a movie about a shoe store and not putting his foot fetish in every goddamn frame.

A train: There is definitely a train in this movie, as evidenced by the train in the trailer.

The Air Force: The train has an Air Force logo, and the title cards say "Air Force," and there is random military-sounding walkie-talkie noise throughout the trailer. Maybe it will be the Blue Angels? I love the Blue Angels.

A camera: This is what the title refers to! A super 8 camera.

Some kid: Playlist found a kid's face that shows up for a half-second. Probably, this kid will be in the movie! Otherwise, it's creepy to put him in the trailer.

My Prediction: Super 8 is the heartwarming story of a bunch of filmmaking aliens who go AWOL from their Air Force posts to take a cross-country train trip, along the way meeting a kid who teaches them the value of companionship and loyalty. And then they all die when the train crashes, the end.

What else will be in the movie? The state of Ohio? A pickup truck? Keri Russell?? Strained father-son relationships?! Probe the mysteries of J.J. Abrams' mind!