Gaywatch: Law School Friends, Eliot Spitzer Say Kagan is StraightS

Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan is not gay, says her law school roommate Sarah Walzer. Former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, who knew her as a Princeton undergrad, agrees. And yet, the rumor persists.

Is Elena Kagan gay? It is important that America know, due to finding the possibility of gay/lesbian sex more interesting that "law things." Luckily, Politico's Ben Smith is "hot" on the trail of Kagan's potential lesbianism, for the good of the country: On Tuesday, he called up Kagan's old roommate to ask about the Supreme Court nominee.

"I've known her for most of her adult life and I know she's straight," said Sarah Walzer, Kagan's roommate in law school and a close friend since then. "She dated men when we were in law school, we talked about men - who in our class was cute, who she would like to date, all of those things. She definitely dated when she was in D.C. after law school, when she was in Chicago – and she just didn't find the right person."

But what if she didn't find the right person—because the right person was another homosexual lesbian? Walzer has proof that Kagan is a straight: Strategic man-invites.

"There definitely were strategic invites," Wazler recalled. "She'd say, ‘This is somebody I'm interested in' and I'd say ‘I'll make sure he's one of the people we invite.'"

According to Walzer, it was difficult for Kagan to date not because she was gay, but because she was smart, which in America is bascially the same thing.

Smith was able to corroborate Kagan's theoretical heterosexuality with well known "sexpert" (expert in sex) Eliot Spitzer, who emailed to confirm her straightness and make it exceedingly clear that he did not, in fact, bang Elena Kagan: "I did not go out with her, but other guys did. I don't think it is my place to say more." Thanks for clearing that up, El!

Kagan, meanwhile, hasn't herself commented on the question of whether she likes boring straight sex or deeply fascinating lesbian sex, possibly because she thinks it is "her own private business" or some similarly communistic thing.

[Politico; pic via Getty]