Miley Cyrus' Jailbait Lap Dance Video and Other Parental NightmaresS

She's 16 in the video; the guy is 44. Lil' Wayne gets caught with prison contraband. Tyra picks a fight with Palin. Leonardo DiCaprio is mistaken for a normal person. Ian McKellen is mistaken for a beggar. Wednesday gossip arrives.

  • A 16-year-old Miley Cyrus gave a lap dance to a "slightly older gentleman," 44-year-old director Adam Shankman at the wrap party for The Last Song and—duh—someone filmed it and sold it to TMZ. And if 44 seems more than "slightly older," remember that Miley ages in dog years, and Shankman is gay, which means he ages in reverse. Shankman's gayness is probably why Miley thought this was OK, because skanky straight girls always think it's OK to sexually harass with gay men, when in fact they are the worst people to sexually harass, because they won't even enjoy your jailbait ass. Rubbing your buns on a producer only gets you the job if he's straight, Miley. Shankman had previously tweeted a Miley lapdance picture, calling her "my little angel sister." [TMZ, Radar, image via Pacific Coast News]

  • Rehearsing Waiting for Godot in scruffy clothes and wild hair, Ian McKellen was mistaken for a panhandler, and earned a dollar coin from a passerby. He saved it for good luck. [Telegraph]

  • Tyra Banks and Sarah Palin are having a feud, because on the day Tyra announced her first novel, Sarah announced her second book. "Miss Tyra doesn't like sharing the spotlight with anyone... Tyra is convinced this wasn't a coincidence." Sarah should have received the memo designating May 11 as International Tyra Is Writing a Book Day. She also ignored Tyra's order to tone down her damn weave and wear pink on Wednesdays. [NBN third item]

  • Anne Hathaway dumped white collar robber baron Raffaello Follieri, but her new boyfriend, Adam Shulman, is also accused of stealing! Adam stands accused of dismantling and stealing part of a wall mural. He probably thought it was Banksy. [Star]

  • Lil' Wayne got caught with contraband earphones and an iPod charger in jail. Where was the iPod? [TMZ]

  • Glee creator Ryan Murphy joined Kristen Chenoweth in boycotting Newsweek over an article about why out-of-the-closet gays can't play straight. Newsweek thought was OK to publish because author Ramin Setoodeh is gay. This entire debacle will seem so quaint next month, when Newsweek no longer exists and Ramin Setoodeh gets caught giving George Rekers a blowjob. [Popwatch, Newsweek]

  • That was quick. Larry Rudolph—the music manager who revived Britney Spears' career, before Brit doused it in gasoline and lit a match—denies the rumor that he'll save Lindsay Lohan next. [Access Hollywood]

  • Leonardo DiCaprio's normal person disguise is so good, he was mistaken for a real normal person at a showing of Iron Man 2, and was asked to move seats "four times." He complied, betraying his non-normal-person status. A normal person would've started cursing after number three. [P6]

  • The Big Brother winner everyone called Dr. Evil delivered his own baby, from his For Love of Money star fiancee's quivering loins. Dr. Evil is a dermatologist, so he just imagined he was popping a big ol' pimple. [TMZ]

  • Jim Carrey is already over Jenny McCarthy, and went out "with a entourage of at least 10 women," then made out with one who "looked a lot like Jenny" until someone yelled "Get a room," an invective that is only awkward when there's a chance the couple might actually do it, and then they'll be thinking about the dope who yelled "Get a room" while they're doing it. [P6]

  • Jailed Bling Ring babe Alexis Neiers on how she will survive imprisonment for robbing Orlando Bloom: "If Buddha can sit under a tree for four days and meditate, I can do this." [E!]