Katherine Heigl Will Literally Never Die

She is immortal, it's already been written. Also today: the American Family movie adds some cast members, the networks pick up a bunch of shows for next season, some sad Don Johnson news, and horrible women.

Acting heavyweights James Gandolfini and Tim Robbins have joined Diane Lane in HBO's terribly titled Cinema Verite, which is about the filming of the groundbreaking 1970s PBS series American Family, which was essentially the first reality show. Robbins will play dad Loud to Lane's mom Loud, with Gandolfini playing a producer. So the cast is shaping up nicely. Still no word, though, on who's going to play arguably the most important part: Lance Loud, the couple's fitfully gay son who became a breakout star on and off the show. Probably best with an unknown. Though if not, it's a shame Bronson Pinchot isn't in his 20s anymore. What about Michael Willett, who plays the queeny kid Lionel on United States of Tara this season? Other suggestions? [THR]

Ohhh network pickups! People in pilots are now finding out if they're potentially about to break big or not. ABC has picked up No Ordinary Family, in which Michael Chiklis and Julie Benz (yay Rita/Darla!) head up a superhero family. It's from Greg "Everwood" Berlanti, which could mean big treacly emotional superhero plotlines? The delightful Autumn Reeser is also on the show, so let's hope not. NBC has ordered more Perfect Couples, a romancey sitcom featuring Olivia Munn from Attack of the Show. Fox is moving head with the oil drama Lone Star, which used to be called Midland and stars the beguiling Adrianne Palicki from Friday Night Lights. (And, you know, Jon Voight and stuff.) She just can't get outta Texas! Fox also picked up Running Wilde, a Will Arnett/Keri Russell comedy from some of the Arrested Development guys. Seems like a weird vehicle for Russell's return to TV, but whatever. Could be good! Anyway, congrats everyone. Hope you all live long into syndication. [Variety]

Oh this isn't good. Our archnemesis Katherine Heigl is slowly moving out of the sweettart comedy ghetto and into the the dramas. Her first such film will be the cloyingly titled The Age of Adaline, about a woman born in the early 1900s who ceases to age after an accident. Then she meets a man that she falls in lurve with and maybe she doesn't want to be immortal anymore. So it basically should be called Lady Buttons: A Curious Case. I would absolutely see a movie called Lady Buttons: A Curious Case, though I'm sure I would be very upset to find out that it was about a Katherine Heigl monster instead of a cat that solves mysteries. [THR]

Hasn't Don Johnson suffered enough? Hasn't Don Johnson done enough for his country? Shouldn't he be treated as a hero, celebrated and revered and given some respect and dignity? Yes, yes he should. Why then is the poor man in the courts suing some production company over Nash Bridges money? I mean, Nash Bridges money??? What do you want him to do next, grovel at your feet and eat poop? Put on a big floppy bonnet and hold a gigantic lolly and dance for you, singing "I'm a pretty girl, I'm a pretty girl..."?? Nash Bridges money. Someone give that man some money and let's not let this American hero disgrace himself anymore by begging for Nash Bridges money. What a dump we are. What a country. Where's Don's parade? [Variety]

OK everyone just calm down. Everyone cool out. Put down that Molotov cocktail and drop the knives and put that guy out and just listen. I know you were worried. I know everyone was scared and obviously we got a little panicked and things got out of hand and that lady is dead now and there's nothing we can do about it so let's just move on. We can move on, because it's been confirmed. Yes, Angus T. Jones will continue to play the Half Man on CBS' drawing room farce Two and a Half Men. So phew. We panicked and rioted for nothing. We're going to have our creepy Half Man back, as his quick descent into horrid teenage squawkingness continues. [Deadline]

Aw. TLC has renewed its vows to Four Weddings, a series about four bitchzillas who all attend each other's weddings and bitch about them. Best wedding wins a honeymoon. This series fits in nicely next to Say Yes to the Dress, which I watched for the first time in a hotel room in Pittsburgh recently and lemme tell ya, that show should be retitled Horrible Women. "Next on TLC's Horrible Women, some horrible women. Who will spend $8,000 on a dress she'll only wear once? A horrible woman, that's who. Who should be saving that for her kids' college education or a down payment on a house or at least spending it on an awesome honeymoon in Europe for the summer but instead is spending it all on one dress that she will never wear again? A horrible woman. Next time, on Horrible Women." SORRY GUYS, but I find that show really gross. [Variety]