Polanski Petition Provides Helpful List of France's Biggest CreepsS

French philosopher Bernard-Henri Levy is outraged, still, that the United States would like to prosecute convicted child rapist Roman Polanski. And because he is a French intellectual, he is demonstrating his outrage through yet another petition, on his website.

Unlike the U.S., where we never let actual professors on television unless they solve crimes, France enjoys hearing from its "public intellectuals," and allows them to be friends with real celebrities. So, Levy's new petition to throw out the charges against Polanski is now "news" instead of "a crazy petition on some professor's stupid website." Why we need a new petition is unclear to me, but I'm sure there's an important new reason as to why the law doesn't apply to Roman Polanski.

But! The petition is not entirely a waste. It is a helpful list of who to call if you're ever accused of sexually assaulting a 13-year-old. So, if you ever drug and rape a ninth-grader at Jack Nicholson's house (and are a legendary auteur), make sure one of these guys is on your speed dial:

Just don't call Michael Douglas, who refuses to sign. That's right: Michael Douglas won't sign the rape-is-OK-if-you-directed-Chinatown petition.

[THR; La Règle de Jeu; pic via Getty]