Rachel Uchitel Will Show Her Boobs in Playboy

Copying Ashley Dupre is officially a valid career path. Did Jonathan Rhys Meyer use the n-word? A Food Network star hires homeless guys to kill his wife. Woody Allen defends Roman Polanski. Monday gossip has many vices.

  • Rachel Uchitel is going the way of Ashley Dupre, and signed a "full-frontal deal" with Playboy. Funny because, a mere 24 hours ago, Uchitel criticized other Tiger mistresses for riding the Tiger gravy train too shamelessly, prompting fellow mistress and Tiger Woods' 11th Hole porn star Joslyn James to say of Uchitel, "I think she's a bed jumper and she needs to get a hobby—like a real job, like the rest of us—instead of making a living out of exploiting married men and trying to ruin families," like Rachel's sext snafu with married Bones actor David Boreanaz. I'm on Team Joslyn, because her Tiger spin-offs are at least entertaining. Her Masters-themed strip show sounded funny. [TMZ, TMZ, Radar, pic via Getty Premium]

  • Remember when Jonathan Rhys Meyer got drunk in United Airlines' first class lounge, and subsequently banned from all United flights forever? Apparently the bad behavior that put Meyer over the top was his drunken use of the n-word. Nothing like a racial epithet to move you from "cute funny drunk" to "heinous celebrity brat" in under a minute. [Radar]

  • Food Network host Juan-Carlos Cruz apparently tried to hire multiple homeless men to kill his wife. When homeless assassin #1 flaked, Cruz allegedly sent this text message: "Have 2nd party ready 2 take over if u dont want it r u in?" He's plotting to kill the lady, and he can't be bothered to type out "are" and "you"? Anyway, Cruz's homeless assassin squad was secretly working for the police, so Mrs. Cruz is safe and Mr. Cruz has been arrested. [TMZ]

  • Woody Allen says it's time to forgive Roman Polanski. Too... many... possible... jokes... [Popeater]

  • When you read the headline, "Ryan Seacrest's Secret Date?" you assume it's going to be about closeted gays. But this is about Ryan going on a date with Julianne Hough, the Dancing with the Stars ballroom expert turned struggling-at-the-periphery country singer. In other words, this item has all the signs of a highly choreographed shame relationship. One partner has a lot to gain, the other with a lot to lose. [P6]

  • Jennifer Hudson recorded several "Euro-dance" songs "suited for Rihanna or Lady Gaga," but it was a terrible failure, so they're scrapping the tunes and starting over with J.Hud standby "soulful, Aretha Franklin- and Glady Knight-type songs." The world has enough Euro-dance already, anyway. [Gatecrasher]

  • Miss Michigan Rima Fakih is the first Arab-American Miss USA. She's a Lebanese immigrant, supports treating birth control "just like every other medication." [Popeater]

  • Tyra Banks is combining four Battery Park City apartments into one giant one. The constant construction is pissing her neighbors off. No welcome basket for her. [P6]