Warrior Robot Decimates Confused English Forest Dwellers

Wham! Rattle! Clank! That's the sound of medieval commoners doing battle with a giant cherry red robot. Naturally the robot won. But the little villagers actually did OK. Way better than they could have done considering the odds.

1) Iron Man 2 — $53m
Despite taking a tumble from its boffo opening last weekend, this sequel still shot lasers out of its hands to the number one spot this weekend. Its main competition, Robin Hood, just couldn't rocketshoe fly quite as high as Iron Man. Whether the upcoming and much ballyhooed comedy MacGruber can wrist missile its way past Downey and his team of urine-filled robots (where do they pee in the suits?) remains to be seen, but they do share the same audience, essentially, so it's a distinct possibility. What we do know for sure is that Iron Man 2 and its glorious mechanized codpiece will forever be one of the biggest hits of 2010, aggressive whirring dressing droid arms and all.

2) Robin Hood: Prince of Nothing — $37m
I kid, I kid. Robin is still prince of something, if not thieves. He certainly didn't thieve the top spot from old Ironmunn. But, you know, look. He had a tough job set before him. Not only was the wicked Sheriff lording cruelly over the people of Nottingham, with Prince John sniveling around in Richard the Lionhearted's throne, but, uh, there was a great big shooting robot thrashing around Sherwood Forest, hand blasting everyone in sight. Not like Christian Slater-as-Will-Scarlett hand blasting some maiden. Like "Heavens, doth laserbeams shoot from thine hands, cruel robot?" hand blasting. That's pretty hard to handle, especially when all you have is a bow and arrow and you're a good many centuries away from actually understanding the concept of a robot. I don't blame poor Robin for not besting that foe. Man, there hasn't been that much anachronistic strife since that ill-advised sequel, RoboCop vs. Braveheart.

3) Letters to Juliet — $13.7m
Hm. On one side this movie did aight during a busy sword-swining, hand blasting weekend. But on the other, this movie too was about its own kind of sword swinging and hand blasting and just didn't connect like some had hoped. It didn't, for example, come close to the numbers posted by Dear John, which also starred Amanda Seyfried. But that movie also had the Nicholas Sparks seal of authenticity and that sweaty thumb known as Channing Tatum. All Letters to Juliet had was a vague connection to Shakespeare and the Australian kid from Kings who looks like an overgrown Botticelli baby. Oh, and Vanessa Redgrave who, while fantastic, isn't quite the big draw for the desired teenage girls demo that one might think. Actually, figures show that mostly women over the age of 25 went to this thing this weekend, not teens. And one man over the age of 25 was planning to go, but then he was up too late on Saturday night and then Sunday got away from him and before he knew it it was nighttime. Oh well. That man is Channing Tatum.

4) Just Wright — $8.5m
Another slight disappointment here. I guess this just wasn't the weekend for lady business. It makes sense though. In two weeks a little dunh-dunh-dunh dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh movie comes out and pretty much every ladybrain in the ladyverse will squeal and explode into feathery, glittery ladydust. So for now everyone's just preparing. They're doing stretches and breathing exercises and learning how to push, just in case they have to give birth to a shoebox during the movie, and they are building defenses around their hearts just in case Carrie does a reverse little something and cheats on Big with Aidan. She can't, she tootally can't, can she?? Oh god, I just need to know. I also neeeeeed to know what happened with Jennifer Hudson's character! How is she liking St. Louis, the place where black people return to once they're done helping white New Yorkers??? She's totally going to be a big part of the second one, right? What's that? Absolutely not? She was just a character thrown in for a little racial variety? Ah, OK. I see. Well, nuts. At least they go to Abu Dhabi. Sequels where the characters you love end up going somewhere new and different always work out so well.

9) Furry Vengeance — $2.3m
Services celebrating the life of Brendan Fraser will be held this Wednesday at the First Unitarian Church of Los Angeles. In lieu of flowers, please go see Furry Vengeance. Please.