A Guide to Subway Safety

In the last six months, three New Yorkers have died after hopping down onto the subway tracks to retrieve something they dropped. Subways are not funhouse playlands! Are you being unsafe underground? This easy guide should help.

  • Stay off the tracks: It looks so easy to go get something. So, so easy. I know. It's so close. It's right there. There's no train coming. My thing, I just dropped it, it's right down there, I can hop right down and right back up, it will be easy. That's what they all said before they were STRUCK AND KILLED BY A SPEEDING SUBWAY TRAIN IN A GRISLY MOMENT OF HORROR. Do not do it. If your friends call you a pussy, tell them to go get it. No, wait; don't.

  • Don't lean over the tracks for long: Curious to know whether a train is coming? Sure, you can stick your head out and take a peek down the tunnel. Then, pull your head back, and step back. Don't just stand there gazing one way, then the other way, talking to your friends, listening to your iPod, getting distracted. That's exactly how you get DECAPITATED BY A SPEEDING SUBWAY TRAIN when you least expect it.

  • Don't pee on the tracks: Oh, you really need to go? The station is deserted? Nobody will see? There are no bathrooms in the area? You'll just take a quick little piss on the tracks, and nothing will probably happen, until your stream of urine contacts the third rail and you're FATALLY ELECTROCUTED THROUGH YOUR PENIS. It's not worth it.

  • Don't walk between trains: Yes, "everyone" does it. And yes, it's really annoying when you get on the stank train car, or the train car with the crazy guy, or the train car with the fight. It can certainly seem tempting (though illegal) to just walk on through the little door to the next car, rather than waiting a few more seconds for the train to pull into the station. And it works out fine, until the time you slip while navigating the swaying intercar passageway and tumble DIRECTLY UNDER THE METAL WHEELS OF A SCREECHING SUBWAY TRAIN MOVING AT FULL SPEED. Just wait for the next stop.

  • 'Surfing' on top of a moving subway train?: Okay, that's pretty awesome.
[Photo via Kamal H. ]