CBS and ABC Have No Clue What You Want to WatchS

It's upfront week when television networks show potential advertisers what they can expect for the fall season. ABC announced it's new lineup and CBS axed a slew of shows. Let the carnage commence!

Before we get to the births, let's address the deaths. CBS got rid of seven of their shows: Cold Case, Ghost Whisperer, Numbers (which has a digit in the title somewhere, but now that it's gone we don't care anymore), Miami Medical, Accidentally on Purpose, Gary Unmarried, and New Adventures of Old Christine (sad). CBS will make its official presentation and introduce its new schedule tomorrow, so we'll see what things get slotted into the empty spaces on the roster.

ABC unveiled 10 new shows today, including seven programs which will start this fall. (The rest will be mid-season replacements). The while schedule is here. Joining in mid-season will be medical drama Off the Map, the hotly-anticipated Matthew Perry comedy Mr. Sunshine, and relationship dramedy Happy Endings. Let's start making fun of all this new fare, shall we?


Mr. Sunshine


What's It About: A middle-aged stadium employee who is sad and lonely and wants to turn his life around.
Big Names Involved: Matthew Perry and Allison Janney.
Will It Be Good: The clip looks moderately amusing and shockingly seems more like something suited for cable or HBO. And that's a compliment.
Will People Watch It?: Like Arrested Development, this will probably go over everyone's heads.


Off the Map


What's It About: A bunch of medial doctors and their wacky relationships in a far-flung tropical locale.
Big Names Involved: The latest from Grey's Anatomy creator Shonda Rhimes.
Will It Be Good: It will be exactly the same as Rhimes' other two shows, which kinda suck.
Will People Watch It?: Sadly, yes.


Detroit 1-8-7


What's It About: A bunch of cops in Detroit solving crimes.
Big Names Involved: Michael Imperioli from The Sopranos.
Will It Be Good: Maybe a touch on the procedural side, but may have the gritty dynamics of early NYPD Blue.
Will People Watch It?: Putting "Detroit" and a bunch of numbers in a show's title is asking a lot. That's almost like doing math. Also, this looks depressing with a capital D-etroit.


Body of Proof


What's It About: Quincy, but with a lady.
Big Names Involved: Dana Delaney (and Sonja Sohn from The Wire!).
Will It Be Good: This is ABC's entry into the tough-professional-ladies category started by The Closer. It will probably be just as good as any of those.
Will People Watch It?: Eh, not really, but we would have said that about The Mentalist too, so...


Better Together


What's It About: Three couples at different stages of their relationship. Because we've never seen this sit-com before.
Big Names Involved: Is that the mom from That '70s Show?
Will It Be Good: It's no Modern Family. It's not even Cougartown.
Will People Watch It?: Given it's time slot right before Modern Family, it has a fighting shot.


Happy Endings


What's It About: A couple breaks up at the altar and then has to try to remain with their group of shared friends after the split.
Big Names Involved: Elisha Cuthbert, who once survived a mountain lion attack on 24.
Will It Be Good: Even the clip is atrocious.
Will People Watch It?: This is the second coming of Coupling.


My Generation


What's It About: We're not quite sure, but we're intrigued.
Big Names Involved: None.
Will It Be Good: The clip is strange, amusing, and different. We're going to go with yes.
Will People Watch It?: This is going to be one of those brilliant network failures.


The Whole Truth


What's It About: Ugh, lawyers.
Big Names Involved: Rob Morrow from the just released N0mb3r5 (and he looks bigger than ever).
Will It Be Good: We're putting it somewhere between Boston Legal and Lion's Den.
Will People Watch It?: Is there any way that we can make them not watch it? Please?