A Free Lunch
by Betsey Morgenstern
Assistant Accessories Editor Toy Collector Magazine
Every afternoon in Manhattan all the fashionable ladies who work at fashionable magazines sit down to lunch. What do they talk about? Well, I went to the David Burke Townhouse on the Upper East Side to eavesdrop when Olivia Palermo, the country's worst college student and an accessories editor at Elle, met up with Alexis Bryan Morgan, the new fashion director of Elle, sworn enemy of Nina Garcia Fashion Director of Marie Claire Magazine, and former Vanity Fair worker bee. It was an intense intellectual tater-a-tater. I hope I can get the transcript right.
Olivia: You're pretty.
Alexis: You're pretty too.
Olivia: Do you like your new job?
Alexis: I love it. It was time for a new challenge. Everyone has been so nice.
Olivia: Except Erin?
Alexis: No, she's been nice.
Olivia: That's strange.
Alexis: You two have had your issues?
Olivia: She doesn't like me for no reason at all and it's totally not fair. She's probably jealous I'm here with you because then she'll never get to kick me out. She's at the Fergie shoot in L.A. right now and she's probably trying to tell everyone I had nothing to do with the shoot and get me fired.
Alexis: Does she do that often?
Olivia: Robbie's gay elf Seth told me that Erin and Joe Zee have been having the exact same conversation about me for two seasons. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to say two years. Saying seasons makes me sound like I'm on television or in a fashion show.
Alexis: So did you help on the Fergie shoot?
Olivia: I picked out a ring.
Alexis: I bet it's amazing. You have great taste, and rings are the hardest.
Olivia: I know. It's been so hard to cultivate my tastes, but my parents really started educating me at a young age.
Alexis: Is that a vintage Rolex?
Olivia: Yes. Is that a vintage Cartier?
Olivia: I was going to wear mine too. Then we would have been twins!
Alexis: We're pretty.
Olivia: I know. It's really a hard life, dedicating oneself to fashion.
Alexis: Yes, and the pay is so low, but it is so rewarding. Just pay your dues and persevere. This really is a noble calling, and for ladies like us with breeding and class and lots of daddy's money, it's not like we really need a job, so why not!
Olivia: You're so right. Wait, who is that speeding by on the back of a motorcycle?
Whitney Port: Slow down! I'm trying to ask you to shoot my look book for free even though I won't sleep with you...