Lost Finale Theories from Someone Who Has Never Seen LostS

So, it seems like we are the only website on the Internet today not covering the highly anticipated series finale of Lost. This is because your two weekend editors have never seen the show. But we still have some theories!

Yes, here are 9 theories about the upcoming Lost finale from someone who has never seen even a single episode of the show:

1) The island is an alien spaceship, but on the alien's world all islands double as spaceships so it's essentially just an island.

2) Doc Jensen gets the Man In Black under a bright light and it turns out he's actually the Man In Deep Purple.

3) The question of whether Locke is the Man in Black will be answered once and for all after viewers send a self-addressed envelope and four UPCs from any Kelloggs' products to the address flashed on the screen after the finale.

4) The Man in Black's name is literally "Themaninblack." (it's Norwegian.)

5) Right before the closing credits, Hurley reveals he was holding his breath the entire episode. Then Locke reveals he did the same thing in season 3, episode 4.

6) Every single character is gay except the Smoke Monster, who is bicurious.

7) The candidates were chosen based on a timed essay they completed three minutes before the series started: Write no more than three pages on why you want to be a candidate.

8) The HD episodes of Lost weren't actually in HD. They were Standard Definition but just stretched out to fit an HD TV.

9) One of the commercials is going to be for Old Spice.