Assume the position of enthusiastic worship, New Yorkers—we have a new Subway Hero! An unidentified one, at that. Does he live up the heroism of the original subway hero, and the actor subway hero? Yes he does, very heroic!

The NYT breathlessly describes the insane, crazy events that led this unidentified god among men to risk life and limb for some total fucking stranger:

After a woman fainted onto the tracks Monday evening at the Union Square station, the man jumped onto the track bed to try to revive her, witnesses told the police. Seeing the lights of an Eighth Avenue-bound L train, and probably realizing he was out of time, he hastily positioned her body in the trench between the tracks, then hoisted himself out as the train roared in, the police said.

WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The woman reportedly fell down on the tracks and was lying motionless and blood was pouring out of her and people were running to the station agents and people were crying and waving their hands and panicking and what does this dynamic gentleman do? Just calmly jumps down into the pit of danger and adjusts this woman's unmoving body and then handily hoists himself out of the way of a speeding metal rocket of doom just in time, thank you very much.

The woman on the tracks? The train rolled over her safely and she was pulled out, alive. Our hero? He disappeared without identifying himself, just like a real hero. Of course, this city must work nonstop to find him so that he can be appropriately showered with rewards to the point that we develop a backlash against the sickening display of hero worship. Here is the only published description of him: "an unidentified black man."

If you see any unidentified black men today, call the police at once, so they can see if he's a hero. And be safe out there.

[Pic: Flickr]