Lindsay Lohan Is Blonde Again, and Other Thrills

Facing jail time and total career implosion, Lindsay does that which she does best: her hair. Christina Aguilera admits her new songs suck, and cancels her tour. Ellen DeGeneres signs Greyson Chance. Wednesday gossip is cutting its losses.

  • Facing jail time and total career implosion, Lindsay Lohan returned from France to live, at first, in self-imposed exile, emerging only for her court date. And then, late last night, she rose from the ashes like the mythic phoenix, her streaming hair a brilliant, defiant ray of blonde! Sometimes, when your whole life is out of control, your hairdo is all you have. If she actually goes to jail, she'll want to rethink the hue. No root touch-ups in the clink. [TMZ, image via X-17 Agency]

  • Christina Aguilera is also cutting losses: She's cancelling her entire 20-date summer tour, which would have promoted Bionic, the new album that leaked entirely online and has been ridiculed as Gaga-lite, just like Christina's embarrassing music video for single "Not Myself Tonight." The whole ordeal is sad and awkward, especially since the tail end of her massive Bionic-related PR campaign—including splashy magazine covers featuring Gaga-style costumery—will probably carry on, because it's too late for German GQ to scrap their naked Xtina photoshoot issue. [HuffPo]

  • You thought Bret Michaels' post-brain hemorrhage Celebrity Apprentice appearance was intense? Ultimate fighter Thiago "Pitbull" Alves is ready to fight again two months after brain surgery. Guys... brains are sort of important... [TMZ]

  • MacGruber director Jorma Taccone has been showing everyone a naked photo of Will Forte, the star of his movie. So that's, um, creepy. Forte's spokesman was all wink-and-a-nudge about it, acknowledging a "striking resemblance to Will Forte," who "has never knowingly participated in any nude modeling shoots." So maybe it's just fratty. [P6]

  • Ellen DeGeneres loves Lady Gaga-singing youth Greyson Chance so much, she's started a record label and signed him. Greyson Chance: Blue State Bieber? [Popeater]

  • Caught trying to sell access to her royal ex-husband, Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, wants to go on Dancing with the Stars to recoup her losses. "Sarah needs to earn money and it's not as easy as you might think for a Duchess to get a job." (Kate Gosselin made a reported $500,000) Bad economies: Even royalty is not immune. [NBN]

  • Gwen Stefani touched her stomach in public, so everyone assumed she was "cradling" a fetus. But, nope, just an unflattering outfit and awkwardly timed itch, or something. [E!]

  • Country singer and Celebrity Rehab graduate Mindy McCready's prescription pill overdose was a failed suicide attempt, says her mother, who found Mindy and called 911. According to Gayle McCready, Mindy took 25 pills and "didn't care if she lost her life." Yesterday, in the immediate aftermath of Mindy's hospitalization, her lawyer characterized it as unintentional. [Radar]

  • 10 days after her daughter's birth, Claudia Schiffer has revealed the name: Cosima Violet. The key to understanding weird celebrity baby names is recognizing that these children will be beautiful and charmed no matter what they are called. With genes and money like Claudia Schiffer's, the daughter's name could be Oozing Pimple, and she'd still be destined for homecoming queen. [People]