If Heidi Montag Dumps Spencer Pratt, Who's Escaping From Whom?

Spencer and Heidi are splitting up. Lohan wants to make her SCRAM bracelet fancy. Ke$ha and Beyonce are being sued. Roman Polanski's life: Better than yours. Nick Cannon's puppy: pregnant. Saturday Gossip Roundup is a holiday weekend of gossip.

  • Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are now living in the sad suburbs of splitsville. Heidi has moved out of Spencer's house and is pondering a divorce. Heidi thinks Spencer is trying to control her life by making her look bad to the press, her friends told the press. Remember that time Spencer forced Heidi to get all that plastic surgery even though she didn't want to? And that time he forced her to do a reality show that made her look like one of the worst people on Earth? Now Heidi is living with her buddy Jennifer Bunney in a Malibu beach house. There they will film their new reality show where they dish about boy problems then go into the water and kill sharks with their deadly sharp press-ons. [Radar][TMZ][P6]

  • Crack DA Danette Meyers is currently trying a murder case. But after that, she will deal with an even more horrific crime: Lindsay Lohan's continued existence. Meyers is the prosecutor in charge of investigating Lindsay, and she's planning to go all CSI and use any means necessary to investigate her. Meanwhile, Lindsay is trying to get Chanel to give her some stickers that she can put on her SCRAM alcohol-monitoring device to class it up a bit. Hey, maybe she can put a little hat on it and can be like a little tumor person growing out of her ankle, and that tumor person is trying to keep her off alcohol! [Radar][E!]

  • Real housewife of New York Countess LuAnn de Lesseps broke out in song at Nick and Toni's in East Hampton. She sang her first single. There you go: Food poisoning is not the worst thing that can happen when you go out to eat. [P6]

  • Privileged star Joanna Garcia is now engaged to Yankee's outfielder Nick Fisher. [People]

  • Beyonce is being sued by a guy who says his life was ruined (for a day) by the shoot for her music video, "Why Don't You Love Me." He's suing for an unspecified amount, plus, presumably damages that will be incurred when Jay-Z busts his head in with a diamond-studded bat. [TMZ]

  • Ke$ha was also sued! Her ex-manager is asking for $14 million because he says she squeezed him out of a contract they had agreed on before she was famous. So, the guy who helped create Ke$ha gets $14 million. Meanwhile I haven't even created a single Ke$ha and here I am blogging for pocket-change. This man should be in jail. [NYDN]

  • Related, sort of: Roman Polanski has an awesome life in his Swiss chalet even though he raped that girl. [NYDN]

  • For all of you closely following the Jon Gosselin home invasion case: big news. NYPD has cleared his ex-girlfriend, Haily Glassman, of any wrongdoing. Which means The perpetrators are still at large. Who broke into Jon Gosselin's house earlier this year and slightly messed up his stuff!? [Radar]

  • Hugh Jackman was sexually harassed by talent manager Sandy Gallin at Gallin's 70th birthday party. Gallin tried to strip Hugh while he was singing to him. Who wouldn't! YUM. [P6]

  • The Situation wants to break into film. Maybe he means this literally, like breaking DVD cases is some new exercise he is into to build up his muscles. Because no way will he ever be an actor. Although, maybe he could be the male Megan Fox? [TMZ]

  • BREAKING: Nick Cannon's puppy is pregnant. This story is one of the "most read" on People's website, which says something. [People]

  • What happens when you perform a rock concert directly after having a massive brain hemorrhage and discovering you have a hole in your heart? Brett Michaels will be our human guinea pig. He is performing a rock concert in Biloxi, Mississippi against his doctor's wishes. [TMZ]