The Great Light Beer Recession

Did you know that just by sitting there, not drinking, you are killing the American economy? We're currently in the midst of the biggest "lite" beer sale decline in recent memory. The culprit? You. (And "Drinkability").

Ad Age reports on the alarming trend of Americans not buying as much Miller Lite, Bud Light, and Coors Light, three brands which—fun fact—are designated "premium" lights by, I guess, drunk beer raters.

Consider: Anheuser-Busch's Bud Light, the largest U.S. brand, is down 5.3% year to date, and the drop is in comparison to 2009, the first negative year in the brand's 28-year history. It's no less grim at No. 2 U.S. brewer MillerCoors, where the company's leading lights, Coors Light and Miller Lite, are down 0.5% and 7.5%, respectively.

Even more alarmingly, beer makers suggest that Bud Light and friends are too expensive for the average American beer lush, who's now turning to cheaper brews like Olde English and Listerine. The only bright spot in the decimated "lite" beer market: new ultralight beers, which are selling successfully.

You, as an American, have a patriotic duty to splurge on some Miller Lite. And beer makers have a patriotic duty to give their customers what they clearly want: water. Lite.

[Ad Age. Pic via]