Just Walk Away From Everything Except Your Fine Modern Art Collection

The Way We Live Now: Giving up on it all. Why not just walk away? From your mortgage. From your, haha, "job," if it existed. From the crappy bus, and your crappy investments. And your art...well, keep the art.

Never accuse Americans of not being the smartest fucking people on the face of the earth, okay. Because Americans got in trouble with their mortgages, and now they have discovered the solution: Just walk the hell away from those mortgages.

How come we didn't get that advice like, a couple years ago? Scientists may never know. The important thing now is to "pay it forward" to the next generation. Sit your teenagers down and have a frank talk with them about financial literacy. Say, "Look here, teenagers, there are no jobs for you. Suck it."

Had we received that educational speech when we were teens, perhaps we never would have taken out that adjustable subprime mortgage in the first place. Then we'd have two nickels to cobble together to hire a tap-tap, rather than being forced to pay the new and improved super-high plane fares, or the super-high bus fares for buses that no longer run.

Giving up: it's not nonsensical. It's sensical, and smart besides. Pack up the house and go. Don't bother liquidating your newly worthless euro investments. Just be sure—and we can't emphasize this enough—be sure to get your modern art collection shipped to your Hamptons summer home by a reputable art transporter. Times are hard enough without something really bad happening.