Latest Politico Scandal: White House Sends Email

The White House implied to a Senate candidate in Colorado that there were jobs for him if he dropped out of the race. Is this the new Sestak scandal? Yes, if by "Sestak scandal" you mean "totally normal thing."

Who is this strapping white person? Why, it's Andrew Romanoff, Democratic candidate for Senate in Colorado. And why is Romanoff on the front page of Dick Cheney's LiveJournal The Politico? It seems he received an email from the White House—an email that revealed their plans for an ACORN plot to murder the Jonas Brothers.

Oh, I wish. Wouldn't that be a fun story? No, actually, young master Romanoff got an email from the White House that detailed some jobs they thought he'd like in the hopes that he wouldn't wage a costly, damaging inter-party primary war against the Democratic incumbent, Michael Bennett.Ring a bell? It's the "Joe Sestak Imbroglio" all over again: The White House offered Pennsylvania Democrat Joe Sestak a job so he wouldn't run against incumbent Arlen Specter. Except instead of an email, Sestak got Bill Clinton, which is much better. (Sestak ran anyway, and won.)

Anyway, this Romanoff business is a humongous scandal, because, you know, well, wait, why is it a scandal? Isn't this something that all politicians and party bosses do—make offerings to ensure their candidates are in strong positions? Idiot Republican congressman Darrel Issa, perhaps you know?

"Clearly, Joe Sestak and Andrew Romanoff aren't isolated incidents and are indicative of a culture that embraces the politics-as-usual mentality that the American people are sick and tired of."

Wait—do you mean to tell me that the President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama, is... politics-ing? I literally cannot believe that the most powerful politician on the planet is engaging in activities that could be described as "politics as usual." (I also cannot believe that you ended a sentence with a preposition, Rep. Issa! For shame!)

Look: Not even Bush's ethics lawyer thinks the Sestak thing is a scandal. And there is even less going on here—literally, Romanoff got an email, with three job descriptions. Is it maybe a little shady? Yeah, sure. But in the exact same way that everything politicians do is shady.

And here is the funniest part of Ye Olde Politicoe's satire of invented scandal (that is what it is, right? Satire?): Andrew Romanoff had been asking for a new job all year. He applied for a job with the feds at USAID, and, I guess, didn't get it (probably because he's a SNITCH). So he tried to get a job as Colorado's lieutenant governor, and again, no one would give it to him. And only then did he decide to run for Senate, at which point the White House was like, "Jesus Christ, if we had known you'd be so whiny about it, we would have given you that damn job; here are some other positions that you would maybe enjoy."

So, there you have it: A politics happened, and Darrell Issa and Head Politico Mike Allen are so bored they thought it would be "fun" to pretend it was a scandal. And isn't it, just?

[Politico; pic via AP]