Britney Spears Will Never Be Independent Again, and Other LikelihoodsS

Britney's conservatorship gets extended after two years of dependence. Miley Cyrus "simulates a lesbian kiss." Gary Coleman's ex-wife misses the swag. Gwen Stefani threw a $15,000 party for a four-year-old. Thank the Hills of Hollywood: Friday gossip has arrived.

  • Britney Spears' conservatorship has been extended, leaving father Jamie Spears in charge of her fortune, and leaving Brit on her ever-humiliating allowance and in a child-like state requiring permission slips from her dad all the time. She's been living this way for two years, and "a source close to the situation" says there's no end in sight because "Britney has complex issues on a personal and professional level." This is the horror America's cult of sexy youth worship hath wrought: Infantilized Britney. She's like Persephone, trapped in the underworld and staring at a delicious feast she should, in theory, be able to grab and shovel down her gaping maw—but, no, she is forbidden. That's what it's like to be filthy rich and legally barred from shopping on Rodeo Drive unless you ask your dad first. Anyway, at least she seems happy and (relatively) stable. [Radar, image via Splash]

  • Miley Cyrus "simulated a lesbian kiss" on Britain's Got Talent. Is this a gateway drug to a Britney Spears' attention-related insanity? [DailyMail]

  • Breaking! Gary Coleman ex-wife Shannon Price smiled in a picture the day after she pulled the plug on Gary. What does it mean? She also gave an interview about Lindsay Lohan's hair color and all the "high-end stuff" Gary used to buy her, which is proof she didn't kill him: He didn't have life insurance, she explains, and without him, she's dead broke. [TMZ, TMZ, TMZ]

  • Lady Gaga may have fallen for a Twitter hoax. Her whole life is a hoax, though, so it's kind of a double negative, and thus, Lady Gaga spoke truth on Twitter last night. [Crushable]

  • Gwen Stefani spent $15,000 on son Kingston's fourth birthday party. Kate Beckinsale, Posh, and Becks were among the one hundred guests who enjoyed a bouncy castle, a face painter, "roaming super hero characters," burgers, hot dogs, tacos, chicken fingers, a cotton candy machine, a lemonade stand, balloon toys, and "mandatory birthday cake," which hopefully means everyone was forced to eat it, diets punishable with death. [Us]

  • The Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum of hip hop—Chris Brown and rapper Bow Wow—went party-crashing on Wednesday. They made it in at one place and got bounced at another. At least they weren't driving drunk. Or other horrible things you can do mid-commute. [P6]

  • Little Josie Duggar, the nineteenth (twentieth?) child of 19 Kids and Counting stars Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, is back from the hospital after the second life-threatening hospitalization of her six-month life. Now she will lie in her crib and plot her next attempt at escape. [People]

  • Britney Spears Will Never Be Independent Again, and Other LikelihoodsKathy Griffin took out a "For Your Consideration" ad in The Hollywood Reporter. She's dressed like Betty Page, lounging on a red settee that says, "They don't give out an Emmy for 'Best Airbrushing' but if they did, I'd totally win.'" Kathy appears to have reached a lucrative, Colbert-like plateau of irony where she can get away with shameless self-promotion—it makes them seem funny, honest, and thus more authentic, somehow. [THR]

  • Charlie Sheen may not go to jail for 30 days after all, but 30 nights: He is eligible for work release, which means he could spend his days roaming the free world, merely shacking up in prison at night. [TMZ]

  • The fourth and final Golden Girl, Betty White, says Rue McClanahan's death "hurt more than I ever thought it would, if that's even possible." [People]