You Can Fit A Lot of Stuff Up Your ButtS

Three days in jail can seem like a lifetime. So before 24-year-old Gavin Stanger surrendered to authorities in Washington state for a misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge, he crammed some goodies up his ass to help pass the time.

When Stanger was booked into the Chelan County Regional Justice Center last week, police conducted a pat-down and then a strip search for contraband, and they found nothing. But about 90 minutes later, a guard found a duct-taped plastic bag floating in the toilet inside Stanger's cell with all sorts of stuff inside. So how much, exactly, was Stanger able to fit up his ass? The Wenatchee World has the details:

Coming in rectally - via one person - were a green cigarette lighter, cigarette rolling papers, a golf-ball size baggie of tobacco, a bottle of tattoo ink, eight tattoo needles, a one-inch-long smoking pipe and a small baggie of suspected marijuana, said Sgt. John Kruse, a Wenatchee Police Department spokesman.

"We were all wondering, ‘How do you put all that up there?' " Kruse said. "The tobacco was pretty impressive; it was a good ounce."

Wow. Weed and tobacco—totally understandable and not so crazy. But stuffing tattoo needles, a lighter and a pipe up there? Like Stanger just couldn't wait 72 hours to tattoo himself? Or maybe he was looking to trade. Either way... ouch.