Snooki and Paris Hilton Are BFF's, and Other Signs of the ApocalypseS

Jersey Shore falls for the Hilton sisters, and horror ensues. Coolio's new tattoo has a typo. Naomi Campbell cancelled an appearance because they tried to make her walk up stairs. Tuesday gossip is nightmarish in a good way.

  • A perfect storm of shamelessness is brewing. Snooki and J-Woww are Paris and Nicky Hilton's new best friends. At an MTV Movie Awards afterparty, "Paris, Nicky, Snookie and J-Woww were all dancing on the banquette and fist-pumping to the music. They had a wild night downing shots and giggling. At about 2 a.m., they were so hungry they made the restaurant reopen their taco stand. They all swapped numbers, and Snookie was overheard inviting Paris to the shore this summer." Granted, if this means we get to see Snooki's tiny orange fist pummeling Paris in the face, I might be game. Apparently Paris offered Snooks advice on making it in Hollywood: "I just told her to remain the same sweet girl and not let anything affect her. Be strong and don't pay attention to bad press." Is there any way to stop the inevitable The Simple Life buddy show spin-off? [P6, Us, image via Getty Premium]

  • Naomi Campbell is such a diva, she once walked out on a televised award show because she was asked to walk up two flights of stairs. (The elevator was broken.) News of Naomi's staircase meltdown come from a sworn affidavit from a perfume executive who is suing the supermodel for backing out of a contract. Naturally, the affidavits also include more stories about Naomi bludgeoning people with unobvious weapons, like a bottle of perfume. There's a logic to Naomi's weapons of choice: Must be small and hard (glass bottle), must fit in the palm of her hand (cellphone), must be aerodynamic for throwing. Imagine what she'd do with a hockey puck. Or a grenade. [P6]

  • As most anyone could guess, the Gary Coleman deathbed pictures that an undisclosed glossy will publish this week are the windfall of one Shannon Price, Gary's ex-wife who pulled the plug and is now apparently profitting from it. [TMZ, E!]

  • Speaking of Gary, a newer version of his will has miraculously been discovered. The old one cut Shannon out. [Radar]

  • Coolio got an Insane Clown Posse tattoo, but misspelled "Juggalo." Every single word in that sentence is tragic. [TMZ]

  • Snooki and Paris Hilton Are BFF's, and Other Signs of the ApocalypseBreaking: Middle-aged woman retains water weight. That's right, Whitney Houston looks fat, which wouldn't be so bad if her vocal pipes still worked (beauty and talent: you only need one) but apparently she was ugly and awful at a concert in Copenhagen, forcing audience members to pour out of the concert before she was done singing. "She looked and sounded like a person who doesn't have many years left to live," writes the Copenhagen Post. "At the end of the show she looked like she was ready to explode." So much for Whitney's transition to aging diva. [DailyMail]

  • Yankees outfielder Nick Swisher won a trivia night at New York's Southern Hospitality. Star athlete, engaged to an actress, and he's good at trivia? Damn you, Swisher. [P6]

  • $11 million in the red has a silver lining: Real Housewife of New Jersey Teresa Giudice says declaring bankruptcy is a "fresh start." Lessons in optimism from a high-end guidette. [TVWatch]

  • One last piece of MTV Movie Awards gossip: LiLo was originally seated near Dr. Drew, who planned to "reach out" to her about his failed attempt to impound her for Celebrity Rehab. She was so horrified, she moved seats. Being near Dr. Drew is among the few situations in which pulling any diva move necessary to flee is completely warranted. [Us]

  • Katherine Heigl submitted her own name for Emmy consideration. Reporters told her Grey's Anatomy costar Eric Dane and he responded, "For what?" Then he backtracked and said "It's great," adding that he's never submitted himself for an Emmy, thereby calling Katherine a self-serving bitch, but quietly and under his breath. [E!]

  • Alanis Morisette wed rapper boyfriend Souleye at an "intimate ceremony at home" yesterday. Souleye is a white guy from Canada often photographed in polar fleece. [People]

  • Prince of Persia star Gemma Arterton, on the other hand, wed the dreamy Italian man she dubbed her "future husband" in her diary on the day she met him. I can't believe that actually worked. Dear Diary, Jake Gyllenhaal is my future husband. Love, Maureen. [DailyMail]