Snobby Rich People Seek to Reroute Gay Pride ParadeS

New York's upcoming Gay Pride parade was already rerouted and shortened a mile due to city budget cuts. Now West Village residents along one block of the new route want it diverted again so gays won't trample their precious flowers.

It's not that the people who live on West 9th Street between Fifth and Sixth Avenues—people like Uma Thurman and Barbara Bush (the younger)—hate gay people and don't want a gay infestation on their street on the last Sunday in June. It's that the block association just spent a lot of money on plants and decorations for the tree-lined street and residents don't want any parades. That's what we call equality, people! Before the city changed the route, the parade traditionally went down West 8th Street, which has no pretty trees or famous residents to annoy.

The block association started a letter writing campaign to change the route back, an adjustment that both organizers of the parade and lesbian City Council Speaker Christine Quinn seem to support. It looks like they're about to get their way. We're glad that everyone will soon be happy about where all the lesbians from New Jersey get to stand as they watch floats pass by with gyrating shirtless hotties and blasting house music. But would everyone please stop messing with our parade route now? Where there are lots of gays, there's usually drama, but this time it's not even our fault!