The Week We Leaked

This week we bit another piece out of the Apple. Or was it the AT&T? Whatever it was, it was a bite of something.

Yes indeed, we happened upon an iPad leak that gave everyone everyone else's secret private information like, gulp, their email addresses. This was some spicy sauce! And now the FBI is on the case!

Other big things happened this week. Some idiots at a gay gossip site flew an airplane over Rush Limbaugh's wedding, dropping cigars and candy and spreading a message of hope. Speaking of hope! Was Rush Limbaugh's favorite president Barack Obama in the "Whoomp! (There It Is)" video? Yes, he probably was. And his staff was so excited and tickled by this that they went out and got in a water gun fight. Do you want to be more like hep cat Barack Obama? Well then, move into his old apartment. You'll get all changey by osmosis!

Remember when lesbians were lesbians, before any of this faux lady kissing stuff? Those were the days, huh? Now all we have is nerd party kerfuffles and boring Kaballah sex scandals. Bah. At least we have those sexy American Apparel employees, who really need to be sexy as, like, a job requirement. At least there's that. Oh, and we have tits on a stick! Maybe things aren't so bad after all.

Oh, wait, no they are. At least in New Jersey Housewife land. That show is as annoying as a song you can't get out of your head.

Remember when we mentioned tits on a stick? Here is another thing about tits: Does Sarah Palin have new ones? How soon until this sex-crazed Alaskan starts slamming her butt into your face?

Oh well. We don't actually need to worry about any of this. Solar storms are going to kill us all anyway. Hopefully we can eat this enormous hamburger before that happens.

That's it! Have fun on your iPads this weekend.