Unmanned drones are convenient: You can kill bad people from thousands of feet in the air without having to see the whites of their eyes, or track down the license plate number of a speeding car... let law enforcement decide!

The Federal Aviation Administration is feeling the heat from responsible, patriotic lawmakers, like secessionist Texas Governor Rick Perry and Senator John Cornyn, to issue flying rights for unmanned drones so they can keep tabs on illegal immigrants and other assorted evildoers trying to ruin America. However, the biggest hold up to loosening tight government regulations on flying robots armed with Hellfire missiles is safety. For instance, they might crash into airliners, or even hot air baloons! But for that to happen, one of these drones would have to go haywire, and we all know that American technology always works and safety is paramount. And the good would certainly outweigh the bad, because a few of these babies under the direction of, say, Border Patrol cops could really stem the flow of Mexicans and terrorists into the southwest. They're working wonders inside Pakistan!

Hank Krakowski, the FAA's head of air traffic operations, told the AP, "I think industry and some of the operators are frustrated that we're not moving fast enough, but safety is first." Hopefully the FAA will listen to drone manufacturers and xenophobic right-wing lawmakers and speed this shit up. Think of how great car chase videos will be when we can watch criminals not simply get pulled over, but explode into a ball of flame on the freeway! Pure entertainment.