It's Only Okay to Lie If It Gets You Money

The Way We Live Now: Scrutinizing one another. Verrrrryyy carefully. Where did you get that money, exactly? Why is your bed so expensive? And are you sure this job application is accurate? You know you don't have any "skills."

There's a spirited debate raging between those who say that you should inflate your salary when applying for a new job in order to make sure you get more money, and those who never make very much money at all.

Leave them both aside. This is no "ethics" class. We can't afford "ethics," nor can we afford an ethics class, because they charge like hundreds of dollars for those credits, and we're already pretty far in debt for our $33,000 bed. You can't put a price on a good night's sleep.

But you can put a price on a bus: $0. We pay nothing for the bus, not just because of our aforementioned bed-related debt, but because we can just steal one and take it to go see our girl, who I presume has a Greyhound fetish. You can't put a price on love, either.

Good love equals a good night's sleep. Amirite?

So with our bed and our bus, we set forth to find suckers who take our word for how much we made at our last job, and thus we discover success that should satisfy the most money-laundering of the Mexican cartels; the type of success familiar to those who run casinos in the Hamptons; the sort of wondrous, world-beating success that would make us actually care whether they bring back the estate tax, or not.

Because barring success like that, whatever. We're lying at the job interview, and stealing your wallet on the way out.

[Pic: Shutterstock]