Christian Slater Is Not LatinoS

So why is he in a "Latino comedy" then? Also today: Kevin Spacey has gone shopping, we now know who will play Lance Loud, a series renewal gives us hope in the world, and Chace Crawford is moving upstate.

Aha! HBO has finally found their Lance Loud. Thomas Dekker, who played John Connor on The Sarah Connor Chronicles, has been cast in the upcoming Cinema Verite, about the filming of PBS' groundbreaking documentary series American Family. Lance became the most famous of the Louds because he was that rare thing in the early '70s: a publicly out gay man. I guess this really means that Dekker doesn't hate the gays? I was kind of hoping that Emile Hirsch would play the part, because he was so good at gay in Milk, but ah well. [THR]

Known Latina Eva Longoria and known not-at-all-Latino Christian Slater have signed on to star in what Variety is calling a "Latino comedy." It is a magical realism picture (because that is what the Latinos love, right Gabriel?) based on a novel about a small Latin American population in the woods that the men leave behind to go fight a war and then when they come back they have to fight with the women about who gets to run shit. Eva Longoria will play the leader of the group of women. Who will Christian Slater play then? Another Latino woman? One hopes. This movie is about Latinos. Latino. It's not just a movie. Or a comedy. It's a Latino comedy. Thanks, [Variety]

Mechanical twink machine Chace Crawford will be clanking and whirring and twinking it up in yet another movie picture. This one is called Peace, Love, and Misunderstanding (I bolded those letters so you could get the hilarious joke) and he will play a hippie butcher. Ha ha ha ha, no!! He is not playing a crazy person who butchers hippies because he just hates those hippies so damn much. No, that would be too good to be true. He's a butcher who is also a hippie. He will be the love interest for a teen girl whose conservative lawyer mother (Catherine Keener) moves back in with her grandmother (Jane Fonda), a hippie, in Woodstock, NY. So Chace Crawford will be working with Jane Fonda and Catherine Keener and you will not be. You'll just be out murdering hippies. And I'll be right there with you. [THR]

Brit directors Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, Slumdog Millionaire) and Stephen Daldry (The Hours, Billy Elliot) will be directing the opening ceremonies for the 2012 London Olympics. That is a big job! Luckily both Boyle and Daldry have a history in directing live performance. But man, they have quite big shoes to fill, after Beijing's Insane-O-Rama opening ceremonies back in 2008. Remember when that happened and your brain fell out and, very likely, several Chinese drummers keeled over dead? That was quite the thing. London is going to be what... uh, crumpet tossing and a guy dressed up like Big Ben? Oh, no, you know what? I bet it'll be like all Beatles or some shit. Just you wait. [TheIndependent]

Oh good, don't worry. You can blow out the vigil candle and whisper softly to the children, sleeping warm in their beds, that everything is going to be all right after all. Maybe someone should go over to Old Mrs. Wingham's house to tell her the good news. She doesn't get much company since her boy went off and got killed in that durn fool war. Yes, you should go tell her that the Style Network has upped the second season order of Jerseylicious from 10 episodes to 20. Oh what heavenly news. Mrs. Wingham will be so happy. Why she might even write to that daughter of hers what went off with the bootblack and moved West to strike a fortune and ain't never been home to visit not once since three Christmases last. She just might do it, she loves Jerseylicious so. [THR]

This is a little old, but fuck you, I don't care. Kevin Spacey, midnight dog walker, may be hitting the small screen on a series called The Crux, about a cult leader. He's talked to HBO and Showtime, apparently. This sounds like a better fit for HBO, because oftentimes they just make better shows. Imagine if Kevin Spacey played a cult leader on television? I would watch the shit out of that show. I would watch that show til it bled. I would find that show in a London park at night and watch it so hard that someone would call the police and then all my fun would be ruined. [NYMag]