There is no worse feeling than waking up and realizing you've slept through your alarm, and now you're late for work. That's why we have devised the ultimate awakening system for heavy sleepers: The Triad Awakening System™. Never oversleep again!

(Following is a description of how at least one Gawker staff writer wakes up.)


Sometimes one alarm clock just isn't enough. That's why the Triad Awakening System (TAS) comprises three alarm clocks, each with a distinct function:

The Leader
The leader is the first alarm to sound in the TAS awakening sequence. It brings the sleeper to a state of partial consciousness, thus maximizing the effect of the main alarms. Typically a standard alarm clock, the Leader must be sturdy enough to withstand numerous half-conscious beatings

The Cluster
Thanks to cellular technology, almost every person on Earth possess a powerful programmable alarm clock right on their cell phone. The cluster is a series of three (or more) alarms set within minutes of each other on a cell phone (or other programmable awakening device). This sustained, repeated disturbance is enough to rouse all but the heaviest sleeper.

The Sweeper
The sweeper is the secret weapon of the Triad Awakening System. Set substantially later than both the Leader and the Cluster, the Sweeper guarantees a timely awakening if previous alarms fail. Placing the Sweeper out of reach—across the room, under the bed or in a neighbor's house—prevents chronic snoozing and increases wakeup potential.

How it Works

1) Determine your Ideal Wakeup Time (IWT) and your Latest Wakeup Time (LWT). For this example, we will assume that the user has to catch the subway at 8:45 to get to work. Therefore, the IWT is 7:30am, and the LWT is 8:15am. The interval between the IWT and LWT is the user's Wakeup Space.

2) Set the Leader (clock 1 above) to one minute before your IWT. 7:29am.

3) Set the Sweeper (clock 2 above) to one minute before your LWT. 8:14am in this example.

4) You must now set your Cluster to sound three alarms in rapid succession, sometime during your Wakeup Space (7:30am-8:14am). In this example, we will set the Cluster to sound alarms at 7:35am, 7:36am, and 7:38am.

5) You're all set to wake up at some point in your Wakeup Space! How early or late may determine on the amount of drinking or late-night web browsing you did the night before. Now, apologize to any roommates, and enjoy your new life.