Anna Wintour Forces Bodyguards to Carry Her, and Other Tales of DisbeliefS

Tim Gunn tells damning stories about Nuclear Wintour and Andre Leon Talley. Chris Klein checks into rehab. Kourtney Kardashian gives Khloe a sisterly bikini wax. Justin Bieber's dad has a soulpatch. Monday gossip starts the week with a fright.

  • Red alert! Rebellion in the ranks! Tim Gunn has finally turned on the fashion world, but I'm not sure he's sane anymore. In his new book he describes Vogue editor Anna Wintour riding in a human caravan of brawny bodyguards:

    [W]e ran over to the elevator bay to see if Anna would deign to get on. She wasn't there. Then we looked over the stairway railing. And what did we see but Anna being carried down the stairs. The bodyguards had made a fireman's lock and were racing her from landing to landing. She was sitting on their crossed arms. [...] I ran to the window to see if they would put her down on the sidewalk or carry her to the car like that. They carried her to the car.

    This is a level of entitlement even Naomi Campbell can't touch. A Vogue rep could barely stifle giggles noting Gunn's "very vivid imagination. There is no truth to any of this." Maybe Tim's been shrooming with the Conde Nast intern pool? Even if we accept the Wintour tale as a one-time freak event (maybe she twisted her ankle?) this anecdote about Vogue editor-at-large Andre Leon Talley is insane:

    When we return to the green room, we see that someone has spread a translucent barber's bib over Andre and he's reclining, his arms at his sides. He's being fed grapes and cubes of cheese one by one, like a bird in a nest.

    You could ask why a man self-conscious about his weight would engage in such humiliating behavior. Or you could ask, what did Vogue do to earn Papa Gunn's rancor? Does he expect us to believe this, or is it fashion fan fiction? [P6, image vis Splash]

  • Justin Bieber's dad has a soul patch and a chinstrap, and two younger children named Jazmyn and Jaxon. [People]

  • Lady Gaga is "not banned" from the New York Yankees clubhouse, says the Yanks' GM. It's just that nobody is alowed there after a loss, when the players are disgraced and licking their wounds. [ESPN]

  • Speidi is serious about divorce, reports TMZ, because Heidi has a lawyer and "game plan" for "the quickest divorce possible in California." I'll believe it when I see it, but even then I won't really, because they don't need to be legally married to be in limelight-stealing cahoots. [TMZ]

  • Anna Wintour Forces Bodyguards to Carry Her, and Other Tales of DisbeliefSHey look, another Tiger Woods banner, flying over a golf course. This one is to celebrate Father's Day: "TIGER: ARE YOU MY DADDY?" He probably thought it was a booty call. [WaggleRoom, TMZ]

  • Snooki wants to move to the Bronx: "I am still living with my mom at the moment, but I'm traveling so much I basically live in an airport. But once filming is over, I want to move to The Bronx, because there's loads of Guidos there, and I might meet a nice one out walking the dog or something." Who is she kidding? She's going to live in a series of reality TV mansions, and then in LA's reality star purgatory ad infinitum. [P6]

  • District Attorney Jack McCoy—i.e., actor Sam Waterston—is fundraising for real-life Manhattan DA Cy Vance. Use your powers wisely, Jack McCoy—you know not how blindly we follow you. [P6]

  • Prince Harry and South African party girl Chelsy Davy broke up according to News of the World. Adjust grain of salt according. [NOTW]

  • Kourtney Kardashian gave sister Khloe a Brazilian bikini wax on camera for their reality show. Why do I get the feeling Kourtney sees her sister's genitals more often than she sees those of her child, who is in diapers? [E!]

  • Chris Klein has checked into Utah's Cirque Lodge for rehab, presumably as penance for last week's DUI, which was Klein's second. [People]

  • The mysterious affair of Jeremy London's supposed kidnapping and forced use of drugs at gunpoint continues: Apparently Jerey and wife Melissa lost custody of their son and are undergoing regular drug tests. A few weeks ago, Melissa "crashed a car into a Palm Springs 7-Eleven... with her young son in the car." Jeremy's family members are skeptical of the 90210 actor's story about being forced to use drugs against his will, but they've been so chatty with the press that Melissa started getting chatty about how much she hates them, then served the London clan a cease & desist to make them shut up. [Radar, Radar, TMZ]