Ambient Music Replaces DrugsS

Kids these days continue to disappoint us all. In my day, we had fake drugs like salvia, that really worked. Now, kids are trying to get "high" with "i-Dosers"—digital sounds, on computers. Oklahomans are worried.

What happens is, kids go to i-doser.com (which also sells "legal bud," TELLING), and pay real American money to download digital tracks that allegedly "POWERFULLY ALTER YOUR MOOOD," hint hint. Popular tracks include "Peyote," "Trip," and "Orgasm." The intrepid Miami Herald knew right where to find someone who would be alarmed about such a thing:

Still, parents in the town of Mustang, Okla., were warned about I-Dosers in March when the school superintendent there sent a letter saying some students at Mustang High who listened to the sounds ``exhibited the same physical effects as if they were under the effects of drugs or alcohol,'' including increased blood pressure, rapid pulse and involuntary eye movements.

Says one iDoser, "i was using the content drug half way throught my dose i was staring blankly at the celing and someone knocked at the door and for 1nce i didnt rush to the door it is soo soothing i love it." Case closed. You can sample some i-doser tracks here. Watch out for you having an orgasm! Some of it's techno, and some of it's ambient, but all of it sucks.