The National Enquirer has uncovered a 2006 police report about an alleged incident of Al Gore making unwanted sexual contact with a Portland masseuse. According to the District Attorney's office it's legit. Is Al Gore a dirty old man?
According to the National Enquirer, in 2006:
No criminal charges were brought against Gore, but the Portland police prepared a document marked "Confidential Special Report" - which records the explosive allegations of "unwanted sexual contact" by Al Gore "at a local upscale hotel."
The Oregonian reports that the Multnomah County District Attorney's office has confirmed that "a woman who alleged unwanted sexual contact by Al Gore reported it to police in 2006," . The initial report was filed December 16, 2006, "several weeks" after the alleged incident occurred in a fancy downtown Portland hotel.
But when police tried to follow up with the unidentified woman, she cancelled meetings three times before her attorney told them the case would be handled civilly (i.e. for money) and the investigation was closed in early 2007. The police briefly reopened the case in 2009, according to The Oregonian, though it's unclear what, if anything, they found. (The police report is sadly sparse on details. Update: Actually, a 2009 report is very, very detailed. See below.)
Maybe this masseuse just trying to get a piece of Al Gore's sweet global warming cash. (Her reluctance to meet with police is odd.) But, still: Crazy! Al Gore!? This hints that Al and Tipper's split was not the amiable drifting apart they've sold it as, and it adds to speculation that Al Gore had an affair with Larry David's ex-wife, Inconvenient Truth producer Laurie David.
Were Bill Clinton's trysts obscuring the sexual whirlwind hidden in Al Gore—strong enough to power an entire farm's worth of wind turbines? Only time, and a Tiger Woods-style parade of mistresses, will tell.
So, we just finished reading the police interview with the masseuse from 2009 and, Wow. That is 45 pages of (alleged) scary, sex-crazed Al Gore. Here's a very, very brief outline of what she alleges occurred in a hotel room in downtown Portland on October 24, 2006:
The woman, a Licensed Massage Therapist, showed up and was told her client was Al Gore. She was happy! But when Al Gore answered the door, he gave her a hug that was just a tad too long. Then, he asked for massages in weird places: Like, the inside of his thigh. Kind of creepy, but still within the purview of legitimate massage. But things went downhill during the massage, as Al Gore growled at her to "go lower":
I decided to clarify things... I said well, why don't you show me... he grabbed my right hand hard, shoved it down under the sheet to his pubic area, my fingers brushing against his penis and firmly planted my hand on his pubic crest region and said to me, "There!!" in a very sharp, loud, angry-sounding tone.
She refused, and he growled some more. When that didn't work, he started pleading with her pathetically "for release of his second chakra there. 'There's so much tension being held…'" Still, she refused! Then told him it was time to go. But while she was packing up he grabbed her in "an inescapable embrace" and "caressed my back and buttocks and breasts." She distracted him with a box of chocolates (really!) which backfired when he tried to get her to eat them out of his hand.
Al Gore then forced her to take a sip of minibar Grand Marnier. Then Al Gore "forced an open mouth kiss on me," and when she protested he "laughed, clearly enjoying himself at the expense of my discomfort." This groping and flailing and horrible seduction goes on for a while, and such things allegedly happened as:
He had been pressing his body up against mine, holding me tightly, holding me tightly and I was not certain if his robe was open or closed... It seemed partway open like the robes are small. He's rotund, you know? And I did not want to look down to see. I could feel what seemed to be an erection from him.
he turned to me and he immediately flipped me flat on my back and threw his whole body face down over atop me, pinning me down and outweighing me by quite a bit. Get off me, you big lummox! I loudly protested to him and I struggled with my whole body to shove him as hard as I could to roll him off me...
He insisted I look at his ipod… the song was 'Dear Mr. President' by Pink
Eventually she makes her way to the door. There, Al Gore made his final gambit:
He pleaded, grabbed me, engulfed me in embrace, tongue kissed me, massaged me, groped my breasts and painfully squeezed my nipples through my clothing, pressed his pelvis against mine, rubbed my buttocks with his hands and fingers and rubbed himself against my crotch…
She finally escapes, having somehow avoided being raped by Al Gore. But at home she examines her black slacks:
I took 'em off and I said what's those stains on the front of those? And I wondered if it was soap or bodily fluids from Gore pushing up against me repeatedly?
If you want to read the whole 45-page epic, read it at KGW's website. But you really don't want to read it, trust us.
Here's the 2006 police report (Click to enlarge):