Men are forsaking strippers in favor of suckling pigs at their bachelor parties. Minivans are now supposed to be "macho." Social scientists say that men are "redefining success." Yea, redefining it to suck.
Connect, if you will, the dots.
- The latest fake trend in bachelor parties: dudes are just going to nice restaurants and shit and eating adventurous food, who cares about "Dionysian excess" when you could have "the crispy, golden skin of a roast suckling pig" (not a euphemism).
- Chrysler is "working on a plan to make the soccer-mom minivan more macho," operating under the assumption that the modern, sensitive American Man will have no objection to parading around publicly in a vehicle called a "man van." That sounds like quite a "cool" vehicle to the modern, sensitive American Man.
- A new study from the Boston College Center for Work & Family, in our modern age, new dads earn "respect for care-giving, cooking, cleaning, and comforting." Instead of being mocked by their masculine peers, for same.
The evidence is clear: dudes are becoming all girly. I fear for our future. We can't even finish our Super Squats any more.