It was a crime of infinite ridiculousness: Dressed in a sumo wrestling suit, Sandra Talbot assaulted her ex-girlfriend with her own girth and a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, vengeance for flirting with a man dressed as giant Snickers bar.
A Dublin court convicted Talbot yesterday. According to the Evening Herald, the assault occurred on Halloween night, 2008. Talbot was dressed as a sumo wrestler, and she ran into ex-girlfriend Adrienne Martin at a gay bar.
During the evening Talbot, who was wearing an inflatable sumo suit, bumped into [Martin]. When she turned around, the accused said to her: "Keep smiling, c**t."
Later, a man dressed as a Snickers bar began waving at her and when she went to wave back, Talbot pushed her arm from behind. When she asked what the problem was, Talbot said: "Your arm's in my way."
The confrontation escalated. Talbot reached into the folds of her inflatable flesh, where she had hidden a bottle of Smirnoff Ice.
"The next thing, I got a blow to the left side of my head beside the temple," Ms Martin said. "My knees went from under me and I went down. She walked away, laughing and sneering at me. I had a massive lump on the side of my head."
Talbot, an aspiring tattoo artist, "was escorted out and had to be asked to partially deflate her costume so she could get out the door."
But how did she carry the the Smirnoff in her suit? This mystery was at the center of Talbot's defense: Her "barrister" argued that she could not have fit the saccharine weapon in her sleeve due to the suit's "air-tight seal." (Please. It's a novelty costume, not a space shuttle's hatch.) But her protestations were not enough: Talbot was found guilty and fined €400.
Bros who ice bros: You have all been outdone by a lesbian Irishlady in a sumo suit. Let this be the final nail in BrosIcingBro's coffin. [Evening Herald, Evening Herald, Image for illustrative purposes only. The above costumed individuals are models and did not bludgeon anyone with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice.]