Terrible Minimum Wage Jobs For Real Americans Only!

The Way We Live Now: expanding our horizons. This economy won't get better any time soon. It's time we start looking for new, horrific opportunities. Immigrant farmworker? Bedbug lawyer? Soda tax-er? It's all "on the table." (Table not included).

You may have had vague hopes of "riding out" this recession, but guess what, partner: "The economic recovery won't be catching fire any time soon." Sorry, Charlie. Unless by "catching fire" you're referring to Molotov cocktail-related incidents, in which case, it's a distinct possibility.

With that it mind, we see that we must seek out new avenues of employment. How about becoming a migrant farmworker? Then we can kick all those illegals out of the country, and give good real Americans those jobs! Those shitty, shitty jobs. Or, why not go into the suddenly promising field of landlord bedbug law, now that landlords are required to (but surely won't) tell you if your new apartment has recently had a bedbug infestation?

They all have. Bedbugs love poor people.

Now that we've gotten the pesky estate taxes out of the way, it's only a short matter of time before there are the unemployed hordes and billionaires running for elected office, and nothing in between. It's Friday, so we know that you all need to head off to your third "just on weekend" jobs (prostitution). Just remember: get something while you still can. Because all that financial regulation? The banks already have that shit covered.

[Pic: Flickr]