NYC supremacy! Teen girl craziness! Vermonster's revenge! Kiddie hypertension! Air bee science! Lying docs! Airline food! It's your somewhat scientific Health Watch, where we watch your health—upon a mountain of iced-cream!
- Do you know what is a healthy city, the name of it? It is called New York City. Suck it, world.
- Teen girls are more likely than teen boys to do drugs and drink. Why are teen girls so crazy?
- Is your teen just moody, or facing a serious emotional problem? Well if it's a teen girl she's probably all fucked up, you can bet on it.
- Here's a list of crazy foods in many different states, such as the Ben & Jerry's "Vermonster" in Vermont, "which includes 20 scoops of ice cream, hot fudge, bananas, cookies, brownies and any other topping you could possibly want." I want a topping of one hundred gold doubloons, hahahahaha! No seriously, if you eat this Dave Zinczenko will stab you with an ice pick right in the earhole.
- Nowadays, even kids have to worry about their blood pressure. Fuckin A.
- Hey, is the air around here safe to breathe? In Germany, they use bees to help them answer that question. Here in the civilized world, we use sophisticated air monitoring technology. Losers.
- In a new survey, doctors admit that they order more medical tests than they really need to, in order to avoid lawsuits. But when you're in their office, they're all like "Yes, it is absolutely medically necessary for me to give you a full-body massage with petroleum jelly." Make up your mind, doc!
- The FDA says that airline food is prepared in unsanitary conditions, like kitchens "littered with dead cockroaches, flies, and rodent feces." And those are just the ingredients for the meal! Jay Leno, ladies and gentlemen!