A pack of robbers armed with baseball bats beat and robbed 60-year-old Geoffrey McDonald (of the McFlurry McDonalds) and his wife in their villa in the south of France. Why did they have a villa there?
McDonald's is in Eygalières, a village in Provence where Brangelina recently purchased a $15 million mansion. The thugs stole $360,000 in cash, jewelery, and passports from the "severely shocked" couple. France is too dangerous, Geoffrey—come home to America, where we will revere you as a demigod and protect you and your loved ones with our lives. [Daily Mail, image via Flickr]