This week, the Supreme Court struck down like every handgun ban in America. Sure, some mothers of murdered children will whine. But take it from a certified Fox News psychologist: gun ownership is essential to our very sanity.
Board-certified Fox News "psychiatry correspondent" Dr. Keith Ablow explains:
The right to bear arms is a critical component of feeling competent and autonomous as individuals, rather than relying on the goodwill of a super-powerful, unassailable government...It may well be that putting more guns in the hands of American men and women and training them to safely store those guns would actually be one immediate way to immunize the population from feeling like passive participants in history and in safeguarding what we value about our way of life.
That's not politics; that's psychiatry speaking. Talk to Sigmund Freud if you don't like it, okay? Our ancient ancestors were stashing weapons under every pile of ice ten thousand years ago. A few youngsters shooting up the funerals of kids who were themselves killed with handguns don't stand a chance against science.
[Shout out to Tim for the tip. UPDATE: A reader warns me that some people may believe this photo is real. It is not. Come on.]