It's hotter than Jennifer Lopez's career in 1999 outside today and if you don't have air conditioning, you're screwed. City officials have some lame tips for beating the record-breaking heat, but we've got better suggestions. Step in and chill out.
We already gave you some tips on how to stay cool outside of your house, but what if you're trapped indoors and there are no freon-based cooling systems to help you get some relief? Here are the best solutions we could think of and, trust us, we tried every one this morning after the air conditioning stopped working at Gawker HQ for a few hours.
Fan (manual): An age old remedy is to swoosh one of these wonderfully dramatic devices in front of your face like you're Karl Lagerfeld at a fashion show. It helps while you're doing it, but the moment you stop, the heat returns. Also, you end up getting yourself nice and sweaty by exerting all that energy. We'd suggest getting "the help" to do the fanning for you, but if you can afford that, there's no way you'd be trapped inside without some cool air blowing on you.
Fan (electric): A good breeze going in the room makes it feel cooler even if it's just hot air blowing around. Park the fan nice and close to your face and it's double the pleasure. Pretend you're Tyra Banks at a photo shoot and your weave is just blowing in the wind. Make funny noises into the spinning blade and it's hours of fun. Just don't shell out $300 for one of those Dyson Air Multipliers. Sure, it looks impressive, but you know that shit will be $59.99 in a year or so. (And don't you dare get a ceiling fan, those are just tacky.)
Cold Drinks: This is essential, preferably with lots of ice. Don't mess with soda or juice, though. Stick with water, iced tea, lemonade, or something similar. Feel free to liberally add various and assorted spirits. It's hot as hell out there, you need something to relax.
No Socks: Much like going commando, having cool feet is exceptionally refreshing. Just do everyone a favor and get some baby powder or something on those puppies. Being hot is bad enough without it being stinky. And please make sure they're clean and properly groomed. Nasty feet remind us of hobbits, which reminds us of the fires of Mordor, which makes us sweat.
Order In: If you cook in this weather with no air-conditioning, you're an idiot. Order in your food instead. Be sure to tip big. That delivery guy just rode a bike to bring you that meal, and he's probably sweatier than Richard Simmons' glittery shorts when he's done high-steppin' to the oldies.
Cold Compresses: Get a cloth or ice pack and get it all moist and cool and apply it to various parts of your body. This is magical. At first it's unbearably cold, but like so many aerobics classics, the burn is worth it. Make sure you remove it before it gets room temperature and is just soggy, moist, and annoying. A friend recommended that we put a bag of ice directly into our underwear. That's sweet, but it's 100 degrees. Do you think we're wearing underwear?