Denver's mayor takes the stairs! Full Figured Fashionistas have nice hair! Fat TV shows, there and there! Calorie knowledge is rare! Exercise is mental flair! It's your Wednesday Fitness Watch, where we watch your fitness—from our airy lair!
- How does Denver mayor John Hickenlooper keep himself fit and attractive enough to interest women in sexxxcapades? He takes the stairs at work and meets with a trainer once a week. Somehow, this routine manages to cost him $500 per month. John Hickenlooper is a failed financial conservative.
- It's Full Figured Fashion Week! The only sane fitness analysis of this event is that it is one hundred and twenty two times better than regular Fashion Week, the end.
- Hey chums, have you formed an opinion on the fact that there are multiple reality television shows about fat people losing weight currently on the teevee? Such as the rather insultingly-named "Huge," and the other show with the mean trainer lady? The critics are "eating them up," ha. Just goes to show that there is nothing Americans love more than to recline on our soft couches with a Snak Pak and gaze glassy-eyed at the sadistic torture of fat people. For their own good!
- A shocking report today reveals: Many Americans are clueless about calories. How many? Where? What is it? Who are you? And other questions. An easy rule of thumb, Americans: take your body weight and multiply it by ten. Then drop the fried chicken and go to the gym.
- Researchers continue to try to discover what goes in in the human brain while we exercise. The already know that exercise causes your brain to produce more cells. Now, using advanced microengineering techniques, they've been able to magnify the mitochodria of those new cells to reveal their contents: